I love where I work! There is a beautiful white sand surf beach a few minutes walk away. On a day like today (blue sky and beautiful) it is fantastic to be able to walk in my lunchbreak.
On the eating front I have been reasonably "conscious" today. I had a milky drink for morning tea again, and a good home made lunch (my yummy leftovers - so glad that I didn't eat them yesterday). I also bought some sugar free gum and chewed on that after lunch for some "mouth feel". I did get a chocolate bar at about 3pm, but I wanted it and I enjoyed it.
I am now sorting through about 3 months worth of paperwork!! A job I have been putting off for a while, but have just decided to get on and do as much as I can. FLYlady would be proud! :-)
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Day 14: A great day so far
Well, after yesterday's reverting to old habits, today has been much more positive. (I was going to say today has been "good" but that sounded too much like "diet talk").
I have a temporary new job at work, so I think today's positivity was brought about by that. The work isn't necessarily any better, but it is a change, and a chance to pick up some new skills.
My co-worker was heading for the chocolate at 10am this morning, but that was a bit early in the day for me (although I have been known to eat chocolate at breakfast time before today!!). Instead I opted for a milky drink which kept me going till lunchtime. I then made myself a nice toasted sandwhich and had some fruit (yum!). I also bought some almonds to nibble on, and although I probably ate more that I needed (I ate them because they were there, rather than because I was hungry) - my body was my happier with those than with sweets or chocolate!
Tonight I had my yummy vege bean stack for dinner, and instead of heading for seconds because it was so tasty, I thought I'd had enough, so I have saved some for lunch tomorrow. So instead of feeling uncomfortably full for a few minutes of "tastes yum", I have it to enjoy tomorrow.
I think part of my eating "thing" is that I always like to have something in my mouth. I wonder if it was because I was a thumb sucker as a child? Might be an interesting theory to see if kids who had a thumb or dummy habit as toddlers or preschoolers tend to eat more.....? In the meantime I may need to invest in some gum.
I have a temporary new job at work, so I think today's positivity was brought about by that. The work isn't necessarily any better, but it is a change, and a chance to pick up some new skills.
My co-worker was heading for the chocolate at 10am this morning, but that was a bit early in the day for me (although I have been known to eat chocolate at breakfast time before today!!). Instead I opted for a milky drink which kept me going till lunchtime. I then made myself a nice toasted sandwhich and had some fruit (yum!). I also bought some almonds to nibble on, and although I probably ate more that I needed (I ate them because they were there, rather than because I was hungry) - my body was my happier with those than with sweets or chocolate!
Tonight I had my yummy vege bean stack for dinner, and instead of heading for seconds because it was so tasty, I thought I'd had enough, so I have saved some for lunch tomorrow. So instead of feeling uncomfortably full for a few minutes of "tastes yum", I have it to enjoy tomorrow.
I think part of my eating "thing" is that I always like to have something in my mouth. I wonder if it was because I was a thumb sucker as a child? Might be an interesting theory to see if kids who had a thumb or dummy habit as toddlers or preschoolers tend to eat more.....? In the meantime I may need to invest in some gum.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Day 12: It is always the evenings
Why is it that my greed takes over in the evenings? I have got through the day listening to my body, eating what my body needs, and then in the evening those little voices take over, and before I know it I have eaten 5 biscuits!
Maybe the problem stems back to Linda Moran's ideas of binges being triggered by eating a little too much in the first place? I had a yummy dinner, and looking back I cleared my plate (like I usually do), but perhaps I need to think about whether I am satisfied BEFORE my plate is clear?
Tomorrow I am going to concentrate on eating, and put the fork down between bites (probably a good idea to chew my food properly anyway). Before I continue I will think about whether I have had enough.....
Maybe the problem stems back to Linda Moran's ideas of binges being triggered by eating a little too much in the first place? I had a yummy dinner, and looking back I cleared my plate (like I usually do), but perhaps I need to think about whether I am satisfied BEFORE my plate is clear?
Tomorrow I am going to concentrate on eating, and put the fork down between bites (probably a good idea to chew my food properly anyway). Before I continue I will think about whether I have had enough.....
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Day 11: Ups and Downs
Had a great long walk in the sun today (pushing the kids in the double buggy most of the way - a great arm and leg workout).
Had nice dinner all planned tonight, but then things turned to custard and ended up getting indian takeaways... now stuffed full and feeling sorry for myself.
Off to have abubble bath....
Had nice dinner all planned tonight, but then things turned to custard and ended up getting indian takeaways... now stuffed full and feeling sorry for myself.
Off to have abubble bath....
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Day Ten: Chocolate Chip Cookies!
Having home-made chocolate chip cookies in the house is too much temptation for me! Mum baked some with my daughter this morning, and I have been thinking about them all day - I keep just having "one or two" but I have now lost count over how many I have eaten.
I have been greedy! I wasn't hungry and it obviously wanted what my body wanted, since once I had some I wasn't satified.
At least we got a chance to get down to the beach for a little walk today. It was a bit of a workout, carrying my one year old in the backpack!
I have been greedy! I wasn't hungry and it obviously wanted what my body wanted, since once I had some I wasn't satified.
At least we got a chance to get down to the beach for a little walk today. It was a bit of a workout, carrying my one year old in the backpack!
Friday, August 25, 2006
Day Nine: My Friend Sugar
Ok. Today was generally ok in the scheme of things - lots of temptations, and times that I thought I wanted to eat rubbish. I decided to go for a little walk at lunchtime, and one of the little voices in my head said "why don't you go and buy some chocolate", while the other little voice said "no you don't need it - stress is tolerable"! The first little voice is very persuasive and I found myself in the shop thinking "I will just buy something small and yummy - but they didn't have much of a selection, so I ended up buying a large bag of lollies (candy) and scoffing the lot!! And I don't even know why - I sometimes think my body doesn't want me to eat normally... but I guess that it has had about 20 years of not eating normally, so it will take a little time to adjust. I just have to keep my consciousness up, and fight harder against that little voice.
p.s. after my post last night I ended up sharing an entire large bar of chocolate with hubby!!?? Why??? I didn't even like the flavour much!
p.s. after my post last night I ended up sharing an entire large bar of chocolate with hubby!!?? Why??? I didn't even like the flavour much!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Day Eight: Stress is Tolerable!!??
OK, the stress levels were on the increase today. Our car needs 4 new tyres, and the transmission is stuffed and is going to cost approx $3500 to fix!!! AAarrgh! This would be ok if we were both working, but on one income we are only just getting by without worrying about these extras!
After hearing this news I had a mini-much fest this afternoon, but kept myself reasonably well in check. I guess you can say that is progress, every full on binge avoided is a step in the right direction (i.e. at least things aren't getting worse!).
My little boy decided he wouldn't sleep this afternoon, so I haven't had that time needed to think about where my head is at - I am also feeling tired and my mum is coming to stay tomorrow, so I think I'll have a little declutter and clean up, and head for bed.
Tomorrow is another day! Baby steps - baby steps!
After hearing this news I had a mini-much fest this afternoon, but kept myself reasonably well in check. I guess you can say that is progress, every full on binge avoided is a step in the right direction (i.e. at least things aren't getting worse!).
My little boy decided he wouldn't sleep this afternoon, so I haven't had that time needed to think about where my head is at - I am also feeling tired and my mum is coming to stay tomorrow, so I think I'll have a little declutter and clean up, and head for bed.
Tomorrow is another day! Baby steps - baby steps!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Day Seven: What to say?
I finished reading the How to Survive your diet book last night, and I think it has a lot of good value ideas in it. Tomorrow I have the day off, so I am going to see if I can get some thinking time to myself, and come up with some focus.
...Still no decision made on the job front... perhaps that is why I have been nibbling all evening when I'm not really hungry....?
...Still no decision made on the job front... perhaps that is why I have been nibbling all evening when I'm not really hungry....?
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Day Six: Hard to break habits
Ok, so there were chocolate biscuits at morning tea time, and I had two. I had a great healthy (and yummy) lunch of tuna salad sandwhich on wholegrain bread. In my quick walk after lunch I was very tempted to buy some sugary thing, but ended up spending $5 on a healthy food magazine (a much better option).
My cravings continued throughout the afternoon, I ended up chewing gum, but went through a whole packet in an afternoon - something I'm not keen on getting in the habit of, as there are all sorts of nasty chemicals in those things!
My walk home was bitterly cold, and again I was tempted with chocolate or sugar, but I resisted again!!! (YAY!). Hubby had prepared a nice dinner of salad, boiled potatoes and fresh fish (although it was precoated in strange yellow breadcrumbs).
Things turned to custard a bit more once the kids were in bed, and I got stuck into the chips, choc/marshmallows, and icecream cones (without the icecream). I didn't go to my Tuesday night weights class, and so I feel a bit deflated (or should that be inflated).... but looking on the bright side, at least I didn't give in to those earlier temptatations of the day!
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Right - time to snuggle up in bed where it is warm.
My cravings continued throughout the afternoon, I ended up chewing gum, but went through a whole packet in an afternoon - something I'm not keen on getting in the habit of, as there are all sorts of nasty chemicals in those things!
My walk home was bitterly cold, and again I was tempted with chocolate or sugar, but I resisted again!!! (YAY!). Hubby had prepared a nice dinner of salad, boiled potatoes and fresh fish (although it was precoated in strange yellow breadcrumbs).
Things turned to custard a bit more once the kids were in bed, and I got stuck into the chips, choc/marshmallows, and icecream cones (without the icecream). I didn't go to my Tuesday night weights class, and so I feel a bit deflated (or should that be inflated).... but looking on the bright side, at least I didn't give in to those earlier temptatations of the day!
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Right - time to snuggle up in bed where it is warm.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Day Five: Still Alive!
Ok, still alive but feeling slightly worse for wear. Apart from it being that time of the month, I have also been offered a new job today, but it will involve making a big decision about where we live that I thought I wouldn't have to make until the end of the year. After eating a good balanced portion sensible lunch, I dashed across the road and bought an apple turnover (pastry)! I had a huge desire for sweets (candy) all afternoon, but my little voice kept saying "stress is tolerable" - as I had read from Linda's book last night!
Just a short post tonight as I need to go and chat with hubby about what we will do!
Just a short post tonight as I need to go and chat with hubby about what we will do!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Day Four: At the zoo
Literally at the zoo today! We decided on the spur of the moment to take the kids to the zoo (about 1.5 hours away). It gave us a chance for a walk, and to see some wildlife. I did well and packed a lunch so that we didn't have to buy greasy cafe food, but we got an icecream at the end.
My daughter has got in the habit of asking for "special treats" when she means sweet foods. We try to call them "sometimes foods" to make it less of a reward, but it is hard to break that habit....
I finally got my hair cut this afternoon (after putting it off for months and months). It is kind of a new style and I'm not quite sure about it, but at least it doesn't look like it hasn't been cut for months now! I often tend to fall into the habit of dressing sloppily, and I think it makes my eating habits worse and generally lowers my self esteem. I should listen to FLYlady's advice about "getting dressed to the shoes" everyday!
I read nearly half of Linda Moran's book last night. It seems to have the right attitude. My problem isn't so much formal dieting (although I have done a bit of it in the past) - it is more about a food "addiction" or bingeing habit, but the book covers that too.
At the dinner table tonight, I thought consciously at the beginning "I must eat until I am satiated", but then enjoyed the food so much, before I knew it I was munching on seconds - this thing is going to take a while!!
I think I'll go and read some more while I've got the chance. :-)
My daughter has got in the habit of asking for "special treats" when she means sweet foods. We try to call them "sometimes foods" to make it less of a reward, but it is hard to break that habit....
I finally got my hair cut this afternoon (after putting it off for months and months). It is kind of a new style and I'm not quite sure about it, but at least it doesn't look like it hasn't been cut for months now! I often tend to fall into the habit of dressing sloppily, and I think it makes my eating habits worse and generally lowers my self esteem. I should listen to FLYlady's advice about "getting dressed to the shoes" everyday!
I read nearly half of Linda Moran's book last night. It seems to have the right attitude. My problem isn't so much formal dieting (although I have done a bit of it in the past) - it is more about a food "addiction" or bingeing habit, but the book covers that too.
At the dinner table tonight, I thought consciously at the beginning "I must eat until I am satiated", but then enjoyed the food so much, before I knew it I was munching on seconds - this thing is going to take a while!!
I think I'll go and read some more while I've got the chance. :-)
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Day Three: Busy weekend
Phew! I was home with the kids today, giving hubby a bit of a break (although he was here and still pulling his weight). I am pretty tired now! How did my mum cope with four of us - I struggle with two!!??
The sun was shining this morning, so after breakfast I took the kids out for a walk (we have a double buggy, so I can go at my own pace for some of the way, and it is a good arm workout).
I have done well with being positive today, and generally my eating has been focussed on what my body needs (apart from a splurge of chips and chocolate as I sat and read a magazine while the kids were asleep!). I was glad that my little junk food session didn't turn into an all out binge for the rest of the day. That is a big thing for me not to say "oh well I have blown it - I'll eat till I'm stuffed and start again tomorrow". Instead, I just let it pass and think about what my body needs for the rest of the day.
I decided to cook a good dinner for all of us from scratch tonight, but it was a bit of a disaster - that whole 5 o'clock thing with kids doesn't help - it is no wonder that hubby ends up giving the kids easy convenience things (he is a SAHD while I work fulltime)! The tuna rissoles were completely rejected by Master One and Miss Three only at tiny bits. At least Daddy liked them!
I've been reading the dietsurvivors posts, and today I saw a mention that Linda Moran's book was available in pdf form for free! That is so great, because buying a book on Amazon gets so expensive for us when we have to pay in US dollars and pay for shipping out to here! I've just started reading and it looks great so far. Another tool to add to the collection! I may still buy it if it is good.
The sun was shining this morning, so after breakfast I took the kids out for a walk (we have a double buggy, so I can go at my own pace for some of the way, and it is a good arm workout).
I have done well with being positive today, and generally my eating has been focussed on what my body needs (apart from a splurge of chips and chocolate as I sat and read a magazine while the kids were asleep!). I was glad that my little junk food session didn't turn into an all out binge for the rest of the day. That is a big thing for me not to say "oh well I have blown it - I'll eat till I'm stuffed and start again tomorrow". Instead, I just let it pass and think about what my body needs for the rest of the day.
I decided to cook a good dinner for all of us from scratch tonight, but it was a bit of a disaster - that whole 5 o'clock thing with kids doesn't help - it is no wonder that hubby ends up giving the kids easy convenience things (he is a SAHD while I work fulltime)! The tuna rissoles were completely rejected by Master One and Miss Three only at tiny bits. At least Daddy liked them!
I've been reading the dietsurvivors posts, and today I saw a mention that Linda Moran's book was available in pdf form for free! That is so great, because buying a book on Amazon gets so expensive for us when we have to pay in US dollars and pay for shipping out to here! I've just started reading and it looks great so far. Another tool to add to the collection! I may still buy it if it is good.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Day Two: Baby Steps
So, today wasn't too bad in the scheme of things. I had some cravings, and indulged in a few things, but resisted the all out binges that are so common! Even tonight at the supermarket during my peak bingeing hours, I chose a small chocolate bar over a large one (even though the large one was on special and would have cost less - shock horror!).
I've been thinking about the tools that I am trying to build from, and all of them (FLY Lady, HUGS, hypnosis, and Mind Over Body), all focus on positive thinking and baby steps. I am taking from these tools what I need to create my own solution to my own life!
Positivity is a big thing for me - I grew up in a loving family, but it was often very negative. My mother especially is often very negative/nagging and it has affected my outlook on life. My husband is the opposite - he is always the "she'll be right" positive one, gained from the family life he had, which is probably what attracts me about him. Over the years we have gained a little more of the other's traits, but I am still generally the pessimist. I think this is what gives me low self esteem (even though I should be proud of who I am and what I have acheived in life).
So my goals for tomorrow are:
I've been thinking about the tools that I am trying to build from, and all of them (FLY Lady, HUGS, hypnosis, and Mind Over Body), all focus on positive thinking and baby steps. I am taking from these tools what I need to create my own solution to my own life!
Positivity is a big thing for me - I grew up in a loving family, but it was often very negative. My mother especially is often very negative/nagging and it has affected my outlook on life. My husband is the opposite - he is always the "she'll be right" positive one, gained from the family life he had, which is probably what attracts me about him. Over the years we have gained a little more of the other's traits, but I am still generally the pessimist. I think this is what gives me low self esteem (even though I should be proud of who I am and what I have acheived in life).
So my goals for tomorrow are:
- keep going with baby steps
- get out in the sunshine
- focus on the positive.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Day One: Another new start
So... it starts again. A new day, a new attempt to find some control over the insatiable need to chomp my way through huge quanities of chocolate/sugar/junk food. It isn't like this is a new thing. I will let you in on a bit of condensed history...maybe my story is similar to yours....
Early Memories
Early Childhood
I wasn't a large child, although I have always loved food. Some of my earliest food related memories include coming home from birthday parties (where we'd been filled up with various junk food treats), and telling my mother that we hadn't had much to eat, so that I could eat some more.
Treats
"Treat" foods were strictly controlled and rare (as they should be I guess), but in some ways I wonder, if they hadn't been made so elusive and "special", if I would have had such a strong craving for them???
I was very fussy with food - there were so many things that I didn't like (I must have driven my parents mad). I didn't really start eating "different" things until I left home and went flatting. By then I guess my taste buds had matured and my peers had more influence.
Teens
I put on more and more weight over time in my teens (I kind of kept with my age, i.e. at 10 was size 10, at 14 size 14, and at 16 size 16). I wasn't into girly things like makeup/boys/dressing up. I was a good student, and very sensible/square/geeky/shy. I used to start food diaries, and do exercises in my room - usually short lived bouts of enthusiasm.
The power of young love!
I guess things only changed when I got my first boyfriend after starting university (who I ended up marrying many years later!!!). The whole nervous energy/young love thing kicked in, and I lost quite a bit of weight - getting down to a 12/14 without purposely trying.
Gradually over the years as we became more comfortable with each other, the old habits crept back. He loves sweet/sugary foods too, although he knows his limit and is slim. I did my old habit of starting diaries, and "being good" but it never lasted long.
Getting married
When we decided to get married I knew that I didn't want to look the way that I did in my wedding photos, so I headed nervously off to weight watchers and lost probably about 8-10 kg. I was happy with the way that I looked in my photos (lightest in the last 12 years or so!), although I stopped going before I got to goal.
About a month after we married we moved to the UK, and once there under the stress of travelling and trying to find work, the old habits kicked in. Within 6 months I was back to where I started... again.
Over the years
Over the years since I have tried going back to Weight Watchers a few times, being less successful each time. I tried hypnosis - which I thought was good, but I started just before I found out I was pregnant, so abandoned dieting.
What I believe in
I then happened upon a program called HUGS, run by a dietician in Auckland. I think the HUGS philosophies are fantastic. The basic premise is not to make any radical changes but to gradually improve your eating, and confidence, focus on your body/hunger and not to diet. Since then I have got rid of my scales and declared not to diet again.
I have since had another child and am at the heaviest I have been through general laziness and my sweet tooth. I don't want to get in that diet mentality (since I know that I will end up even heavier), but I still end up eating loads of chocolate and sugary foods.
I've had recent forays into two other programs (Mind Over Body and hypnosis tapes from Grant Boddington) both of which have good points that I think can apply together with the HUGS philosophy. On a personal organisation front I have also been following basic FlyLady steps over the past year which I think will combine to get me into the mindset I want.
The purpose of this blog is to try to get some focus, and hopefully some support in continuing on the no-diet approach.
I aim to post every day and take baby steps to get my brain and body going in the direction that I want them to.
Early Memories
Early Childhood
I wasn't a large child, although I have always loved food. Some of my earliest food related memories include coming home from birthday parties (where we'd been filled up with various junk food treats), and telling my mother that we hadn't had much to eat, so that I could eat some more.
Treats
"Treat" foods were strictly controlled and rare (as they should be I guess), but in some ways I wonder, if they hadn't been made so elusive and "special", if I would have had such a strong craving for them???
I was very fussy with food - there were so many things that I didn't like (I must have driven my parents mad). I didn't really start eating "different" things until I left home and went flatting. By then I guess my taste buds had matured and my peers had more influence.
Teens
I put on more and more weight over time in my teens (I kind of kept with my age, i.e. at 10 was size 10, at 14 size 14, and at 16 size 16). I wasn't into girly things like makeup/boys/dressing up. I was a good student, and very sensible/square/geeky/shy. I used to start food diaries, and do exercises in my room - usually short lived bouts of enthusiasm.
The power of young love!
I guess things only changed when I got my first boyfriend after starting university (who I ended up marrying many years later!!!). The whole nervous energy/young love thing kicked in, and I lost quite a bit of weight - getting down to a 12/14 without purposely trying.
Gradually over the years as we became more comfortable with each other, the old habits crept back. He loves sweet/sugary foods too, although he knows his limit and is slim. I did my old habit of starting diaries, and "being good" but it never lasted long.
Getting married
When we decided to get married I knew that I didn't want to look the way that I did in my wedding photos, so I headed nervously off to weight watchers and lost probably about 8-10 kg. I was happy with the way that I looked in my photos (lightest in the last 12 years or so!), although I stopped going before I got to goal.
About a month after we married we moved to the UK, and once there under the stress of travelling and trying to find work, the old habits kicked in. Within 6 months I was back to where I started... again.
Over the years
Over the years since I have tried going back to Weight Watchers a few times, being less successful each time. I tried hypnosis - which I thought was good, but I started just before I found out I was pregnant, so abandoned dieting.
What I believe in
I then happened upon a program called HUGS, run by a dietician in Auckland. I think the HUGS philosophies are fantastic. The basic premise is not to make any radical changes but to gradually improve your eating, and confidence, focus on your body/hunger and not to diet. Since then I have got rid of my scales and declared not to diet again.
I have since had another child and am at the heaviest I have been through general laziness and my sweet tooth. I don't want to get in that diet mentality (since I know that I will end up even heavier), but I still end up eating loads of chocolate and sugary foods.
I've had recent forays into two other programs (Mind Over Body and hypnosis tapes from Grant Boddington) both of which have good points that I think can apply together with the HUGS philosophy. On a personal organisation front I have also been following basic FlyLady steps over the past year which I think will combine to get me into the mindset I want.
The purpose of this blog is to try to get some focus, and hopefully some support in continuing on the no-diet approach.
I aim to post every day and take baby steps to get my brain and body going in the direction that I want them to.
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