Saturday, September 30, 2006

Day 44, 45: Out to dinner and the morning after

We went out to a friend from work's place for dinner last night. I ate way too much, and worse, drank way too many glasses of wine. I regretted it today. We also were woken for about an hour last night at 3am by an alarm that kept going for ages until the fire dept turned up to turn it off.

Needless to say I have had a hangover today, so have just been lying about feeling sorry for myself and eating fatty food. I should have gone for a run this morning. Hopefully I can go tomorrow.

Not going to drink wine like that again...

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Day 43: 20 mins running!

I was so pleased with myself this morning - I thought I would try jogging for as long as I could and I managed 20 minutes! I haven't jogged for more than a few minutes in a row for a long time!

I asked myself whether I was consciously hungry several times today - got to get more focussed on that - I was hungry at morning tea time (probably because of the run) so I had a milo to keep me going. This afternoon and this evening - the old automated eating machine took over again.... trying to understand why...

- some emotions at work (busy project, some things going wrong, interview for new position next week)
- some home emotions (wanting to move house, rentals getting hard to find, car problems that are likely to cost thousands)

Stress happens, it is natural - I CAN handle it.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Day 42: The chocolate temptation

I got stressed about work today, headed out for a muffin, couldn't find one so I ended up with a 2 pack of mars bars which I scoffed walking back to the office. I didn't really want them (I wanted my berry muffin, or some good quality chocolate but couldn't fine either). I could have bought some gum from the shop to satisfy my "mouth hunger"....

Then this evening hubby had the large chocolate bar sitting there... and I just kept on eating. I could hear a tiny voice saying, after a few pieces, "you've had enough, stop there and there will be more to enjoy another day" but I always block that voice out. We ate the lot (and I ate more than him).... sigh.

I don't know whether to get "tough" with myself, or just keep trying. I feel like I am getting nowhere.... the same old habits keep on coming back.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Day 41: Morning jog

Wow! I actually managed to get out the door this morning and do a bit of a jog/walk thing (2mins jog/2mins walk for about 20 mins). It was a fantastic morning and it felt great.

Only problem is I have realised that next weekend is daylight savings, so the mornings will get darker, and I will probably have a harder time getting up!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Day 40: The bumpy journey

Well... 40 days. Do I feel like I have made progress? Yes! I am pleased for myself for keeping on logging the food and the feelings almost every day. My binges still occur, but they are fewer and further between.

It has taken me 20 or more years to get to this point in my life, so I have to expect that it will take a while to get my body to listen to what it needs.

Today was another bump in the road... not sure what happened. The morning shout at work kick started a bit of a sugar fest. Part of me wonders if I should try to give up on sugar all together, but deep down I just know that would make me crave it more!! Best to focus on having exactly what I want and savouring and enjoying it, instead of grabbing something and stuffing it in.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Day 39: Long walk

Did the 12 km walk today. Time of 1:50 which wasn't too bad. Was ravenous about halfway round and have done nothing but eat all day! Also been really hot here. Summer must be on its way.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Day 38: So tired

After I posted last night, hubby brought out a king size bar of chocolate, and although I told myself at first I would just have a couple of pieces, together we devoured the lot!!

Had a busy day today. Went to a kids birthday party this afternoon and I am absolutely shattered. Looking forward to an early night - got that 12km walk tomorrow.

Day 38: So tired

After I posted last night, hubby brought out a king size bar of chocolate, and although I told myself at first I would just have a couple of pieces, together we devoured the lot!!

Had a busy day today. Went to a kids birthday party this afternoon and I am absolutely shattered. Looking forward to an early night - got that 12km walk tomorrow.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Day 37: Summer is coming!

Wow - it was pretty warm today. Definitely tshirt weather even when we first woke up this morning. Our office airconditioning isn't great, so I'm not looking forward to being hot and sweaty over summer (my legs aren't skirt material, so I wear trousers/jeans all year around).

Pretty happy with how things went food-wise today. I was pretty busy at work, and didn't get tempted by the snack box... even ate several pieces of fruit!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Day 36: Got that chocolate hankering!

Busy at work again today, and had that hankering for chocolate late afternoon so got a toblerone from the snackbox - gobbled it up while at my desk... must learn to savour and enjoy things more.

Felt like chocolate again tonight - thought I'd make a hot chocolate but there is none in the house, since hubby thought my "hot chocolate" on the shopping list was "not chocolate"!!! Got to laugh really!

Went for a walk at lunchtime today. Have signed myself up for a 12km walk on Sunday!!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Day 35: Overall not a bad day

Beautiful weather today, and it was actually quite warm. I took some time out to have lunch with my family at the playground, but ended up having to work late, so missed little man going to bed again.

Food-wise things were reasonable today, although I know that there is a packet of chocolate biscuits sitting there in the cupboard calling my name!

Need to get out walking at lunchtime and eat more fruit and veges!

Day 34: What? Me remember yesterday?

Yeah right... I think it involved chocolate....

Monday, September 18, 2006

Day 33: OK day

Did OK today (no full packets of chocolate biscuits eaten) but still felt like some of my eating was unconscious.

Had to make hubby a batch of shortbread tonight to make up for the choc chippies of his that I munched out on... hope I don't eat all of that too!

Hypnosis tape tonight... and being in the moment tomorrow!!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Day 32: Ugh!

I feel yuck. I have just eaten a whole packet of chocolate biscuits in one go. I was rummaging around in the pantry (hubby is playing out in the garage), and couldn't find anything to satisfy me, so I ran across the road and bought a packet of chocolate biscuits from the service station, and I scoffed the lot within 20 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do our bodies adjust to be able to do that??? Many years ago half a pack or less would have made me sick, but I can now consume huge amounts in a sitting. Why does my body let me do this to it? Why do I do it to myself...... feeling really low right now.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Day 31: Weekends are the hardest

I am having typical weekend. Started off well, but descended into old habits. Haven't drunk enough or eaten any fruit today..........

Friday, September 15, 2006

Day 30: Water water water

I must remember to drink!! Especially when I am at home. Usually at work I am pretty good at getting up and getting drinks of hot or cold water.

I am especially bad at drinking water after dinner. Often I will go the whole evening without drinking and I get very dehydrated.

Today was another progress day (although I fell asleep last night before I listened to my hypnosis recording).

I ate sensibly, walked at lunchtime, and have even managed to do the dishes before I sat down to the computer (much nicer than struggling to do them at 10.30pm at night!!).

I still need to concentrate on how hungry I am as a cue to eating... but that will come over time.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Day 29: A yay day

I feel very proud of myself today. I listened to my hypnosis recording last night before bed (finally).

This morning (even though it was my morning to "sleep in") I got up and went for a walk with some jogging thrown in for good measure. I went along the beach and it was absolutely devine - brilliant sunny morning.

Today at work I have been busy, but I feel like I have listened to my body and eaten what my body wanted. I was tempted at lunchtime to go and buy something sweet (a habit), but I didn't need it - I was full!

I chewed gum in the afternoon (will try to wean myself off it eventually since I don't like reading the labels of what goes into it!) and didn't get tempted by the snackbox.

Tonight we had a social outing for a shared family dinner at the kids music class. The food was what I wouldn't normally choose, but I ate enough to keep me going.

This evening I managed to just eat ONE chocolate biscuit. I am very proud of myself - it is very rare that I would stop at one... unless it was the last one :-)

I will listen to my hypnosis tape again tonight! Positive thinking!!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Day 28: Working late

I had to work late today, so I didn't get to see my little boy before he went to bed. :-(

Eating wise it was a mixed bag today. I had a good healthy lunch and dinner - it was just the snacks and things around that I didn't need. As I write this I am feeling over full... I never seem to stop and think of my hunger....

I didn't listen to my hypnosis tape last night either. Must go do dishes and then listen to it....

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Days 24 to 27: That post-holiday feeling

Sorry - no posts for the last few days, as I have been on holiday with my family. We had a great time, and did some fun things, but we also ate ALOT! It felt like we had about 10 meals a day. Food is always a bit of a ritual at family get togethers, and this one was no exception.

It is interesting that of all of my immediate family (and our food-focussed gatherings), I am the only one that is overweight with "food issues". On Dad's side of the family there are several generations of overweight women (some, but not all). I guess I have that tendancy!

Got a bit of a wakeup call tonight, watching a program here on New Zealand TV called "Downsize Me". They take overweight people and put them through some healthy food and exercise program. The interesting thing is that they also make fit/healthy people eat the food that they would have eaten, and they monitor the effect that it has on them - pretty scary what several weeks of crap diet does to people.... The program started off a new season by revisiting those that they had helped last year. They had generally done pretty well, but some had fallen into old habits. I don't agree with some of the hardcore tactics that they take with people, but it is an interesting show.

I will listen to my hypnosis recording tonight!! (Feeling full and flabby after rushed chinese takeaway... food diary to continue tomorrow).

Friday, September 08, 2006

Day 23: Chocolate frenzy

Had a bit of a chocolate frenzy today - and my skin is a nightmare!

I don't think I am drinking enough - and I'm definitely not thinking about hunger - just what can I next put in my mouth that tastes good!!!

I am going to listen to my hypnosis recording tonight.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Day 21, 22: Full on and frazzled

Ok STRESS IS TOLERABLE! I need to keep telling myself that, since my habits are so ingrained to reach for junk food at the first sign of stress.

On Wednesday I did feel hunger before lunch (since I was so busy in meetings etc), but by the afternoon I was reaching for the snack box again. I had a late-ish dinner, so I was reasonably hungry (maybe a 6 or 7). I didn't clear my plate because I'd had enough.

Today I feel like an eating machine! It has been all go since I got to work this morning, and I didn't get time for a proper lunch break or a walk. I am going to start a food diary as a separate blog to try and uncover what is happening!!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Day 17,18, 19, and 20: Off the wagon

"oops I did it again"

Oh dear! The weekend and Monday was a bit of a fall back into old habits, and today wasn't much better. I considered not posting at all, but I can't just stop and get back to where I was heading (obese and unhappy).

My goal for tomorrow is to feel hunger twice! (Once before lunch and once before dinner)

Friday, September 01, 2006

Day 16: Hooray for Friday

I love the end of the week! Unfortunately it looks like I am going to have to do some work this weekend, but not until Sunday evening.

Didn't really concentrate on what my body really wanted today, and ended up having a few things that probably weren't the best, but at least it wasn't an all out binge.

My daughter is all upset at the moment since she misses the dog puppet from kindy.... not sure how to deal with that!