Addicted to food?

I was just reading this article and realised that I answered yes to pretty much every question!!

"Do I lack self control when I eat?
Does my mind tell me to stop eating but my body disagrees?
Am I ashamed about my eating habits?
Do I hide food and eat it behind closed doors?
Do I feel guilty after I eat?
Do I eat when I’m simply upset about something but not hungry?
Do I eat even though I know it will only lead to negative consequences later?
Do I eat differently in public than I do in private?
When I eat, do I feel pleasure and comfort that I can’t really seem to achieve through other means?
Is my weight adversely affecting my quality of life? "

And the solution?

"If you can learn to recognize what environments and situations set off your cravings, you can then learn to avoid them. "
OK - the situations are - at work when sitting at my desk, at home, especially in the evening in front of the TV or computer

"As well, it’s important to incorporate some kind of exercise or physical activity into your daily routine. Not only will you burn calories and quicken your metabolism by doing this, but exercise is a healthy distraction from your unhealthy preoccupation with food."
OK - so the walking, running, and karate should help if I do them regularly enough

"Other distractions may include meditation or reading or playing the piano – find a hobby that keeps your mind busy and off of food. "
The meditation or maybe prayer or reciting positive affirmations might help, but yes, I do need a hobby - got to dust off those paintbrushes ... I've said it so many times.

"As well, by drinking water every day (about 64 ounces) you can make a big difference in your weight and lessen your food cravings too."
Hmmn - yes in this heat I am guilty of not doing this enough too... although I am pretty good at drinking water.

I think I need to eat more protein too....

96 days to go

Hubby and I are having a child free holiday in Samoa for our 10th wedding anniversary next year. It is 96 days until we leave and I thought that would be a good motivator, but so far I am still munching out on christmas chocolates and raiding the snack box at work.

My running, at least, has got off the ground again, although it is more of a struggle. It is catch 22 really as I know I would enjoy running more if I wasn't lugging so much weight around, but in order to shift that weight I know I should run more.

Anyway I am going to get off my butt and go for a walk - yay for summer and daylight savings!

Sick

Ugh. I got a throat bug and it has set me back for more than a week now. I haven't been able to run and it is really frustrating. I've been eating instead!! Ugh ugh ugh.

Hopefully it is on the mend now. I am going to try to go for a run again in the morning.

Small changes

I am focussing on 3 small changes at the moment:
- 5+ fruit and vege per day
- 30 min exercise per day (6 times per week)
- <45 mins on computer per night

I want to get these nailed before I start focussing on some other goals.

Only 130 days until child-free-island-holiday!!!!

Running to music

Wow - I got an early Christmas present (just couldn't wait!) of an MP3 player, and it has made a HUGE difference to my running. I loaded up some up beat songs that I love, and I have pretty much been getting out there every 2nd day and running (slowly and with a couple of walk breaks) for around 30 mins at a time. It is fantastic!!!!

Have just got back from being away on a course for a few days. It is nice to be home, but I find tonight I have settled back into my old habits munch-wise.... hmmn.

I'm glad I'm not on a diet

The title of this post is true. I'm glad that I'm not counting points, and weighing and feeling guilty.... I eat the foods I like, and I avoid "diet" foods (low fat/no taste/eat more foods). I enjoy exercising for the feeling it gives me, not because it means that I can eat more or weigh less.

But... there is a but, I don't really feel like I have been following the intuitive eating guidelines.

I am a major grazer, and I eat beyond full, and for emotional reasons.

This post gave me food for thought today.. particularly this bit "...carefully listen to your internal cues. If you're not sure whether you're really hungry, you probably aren't. Stop eating when you feel like you’ve had enough to go for a while without eating again. Eating past that point regularly will make you less hungry for subsequent meals, and again, if you’re not proficient in listening to your hunger cues, you may end up overeating. "

My focus for the next 7 days will be eating at defined times - not to restrict me, but just to guide my body into feeling and satisfying that hunger.

They are basic principles, I know what to do... now I just need to become conscious about it, and get off autopilot-excuse-maker.

Eureka!

I've got it!

Well.... I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there. Today was a progress day, after several days of bingeing on sweet stuff and feeling stuffed full.

I took a small piece of leftover brownie with me to work today along with my lunch. I told myself I would have it in the afternoon when I wanted that sugar. I took some fruit and nuts to snack on, but made sure that I was hungry when I snacked.

I installed a little timer program that I have set to count down for 5 minutes on my work computer. When I feel the urge for the snackbox, I hit the timer, promising myself that if I still want it when the timer stops, then I can have it. I did this several times today (lots and lots actually!) but I never actually wanted it at the end of the time. Sometimes I had some nuts or a piece of fruit instead, but mostly I had a drink of water, or just carried on working!

I also am trying to get some spirituality and prayer back into my life. I think that has helped.

For work I am going on a Scrum course soon. Scrum is a project management process for developing software in small "bits" and focussing on the most important things first. I had another Eureka moment this morning and thought that I should apply this approach to the stuff in my life that I want to improve on (healthy eating, exercise, relationships). I'm going to write a list of the things I want to do, prioritise them, and focus on just those that are at the top of the list for a 30 day "sprint".

On a completely different tangent, I have also signed up for Nanowrimo (thanks to Jenn!). I've never written anything in my life, but I'm going to give it a go... Only problem is that it will require even *more* time on the computer! :-)

More than halfway through October!

I have abandoned my rigid/diety approach to life, in favour of treating myself well, dressing well, and feeling good about myself.

October has been a pretty "good" month, in terms of getting off my butt and exercising (walking, running, karate, beach volleyball, cycling), but I have found myself bingeing, and I think it is because I said "I will eat no junk food".... the inner child in me says NO!

My accountability partner is also taking a break, and this forced me to think about what I was really gaining from emailing, blogging, and searching for ideas for hours each night for my overeating habits... really I wasn't getting anywhere. Just doing the same-old-same-old, and resolving to start again fresh in the morning - just like the diet thing!

So I am focussing on some of the HUGS and Beyond Chocolate principles, and just getting on with life. I am focussing on trying to the wife, mother, and person that I should be, and treating myself well.

So I am cutting back on the internet. Aiming for less than half an hour a night (part of my October plan originally anyway). There are a couple of sites I check out daily, and a few others that I will check on occasion. The rest is just wasted time ("chasing rabbits" I think was the term someone else used).

I will try to eat consciously, and I know that I won't always, but that is ok....

So I do still plan to check in on this blog every now and again... and even if no one is reading it, at least I can see where I am at in my life....

I'm off to have a candlelit bath! :-)

OMBO 5: Morning run!

Wow - I got out of bed and went for a morning run this morning, and it was great. The tide was out so I could run along the beach, and I managed to run most of the way, with a bit of walking in there for luck.

My eating has been ok for most of the day, but overate/snacked a bit much late this afternoon and this evening.

I am thinking about buying some sort of mp3 player suitable for running. I think a bit of music might help inspire me to keep going. Don't know anything about ipods etc.... although I remember hearing something about HDDs being worse than flash for running.....

OMBO 3: Temptations

I did well today at avoiding the snack box at work, although I have been munching out on fruit and nuts more than hunger dictated. I actually almost did get something from the snack box - but turned away at the last minute when seeing the person at work who said she had lost a lot of weight on the Sure Slim diet, and that her turning point had been when she had to buy size 18 jeans... which is what I wear!!!

I have eaten two afghan biscuits tonight, but on a positive note, at least they are home made! :-) No preservatives etc.

I've been looking carefully at the products that we use lately and trying to cut back on chemicals. I have swapped to using Living Nature and Skin Food skin and hair products, and tried to go back to "old fashioned" cleaning methods, like soap and water, bicarb soda, etc. I am also trying to get hubby to do more dinners from scratch rather than using highly processed food... having said that, I think my daughter's favourite will always be chicken nuggets! LOL

Better go - part of my goals include being on the internet for less than half an hour in the evenings...

OMBO 2: Still doing ok

Today was ok. I ate lots but generally healthy stuff and avoided the snack box.

Miserable changeable weather today. I hope it is better tomorrow!

OMBO 1: Headache

Always happens... avoids chocolate and junk food and get a massive headache....

Probably didn't help that my darling son woke up several times last night so I am also feeling a little sleep deprived.

Anyway, I am pretty happy that today's plan went to plan.

"Off my butt" October

Fresh month, fresh start...

I have title this fresh start "off my butt october". It is about:

• getting more active (getting back into my running, or walking if I can't get out the door)
• eating healthier (fruit and vege, whole foods)
• getting busy at my "risk" times (in the evening on the internet)
• taking time to relax, breathe, and get closer to my spiritual side

This also ties in with "Push Play" month in New Zealand, so the advertising etc is out there to keep inspiring me.

I am also treating this as I would to encourage good behaviour in my 2 year old - praise and reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour... to a point :-). I have asked my hubby to give me a 5 minute shoulder massage at the end of each day where I have had the right attitude. I am also rewarding myself at the end of each week with a little (non-food) treat of things that I have been wanting to buy.

Today again

I ate intuitively today at work (back to normal at work after a few weeks of craziness and travelling). I have gone a bit overboard at home this evening, munching out when I am not really hungry, but overall a good start for the week.

I need to sit down and work out what my goals and rewards are - hubby suggested a sticker chart (like we use for our preschoolers) and I actually think that might not be a bad idea! LOL

No idea what day

We had to go away for a while, as we had a death in the family. This hasn't helped my eating, but I did get myself out for a run the other morning, and had a good long walk today.

It is freezing cold here, although we have had sunshiney days - just with cold icy wind. That is the sort of weather that makes me want to tuck into hot chips and biscuits.

I was supposed to be going away for a week for work next week, but luckily that has been delayed...

Day 378 CD 73: Is is worth blogging? Yay for Spring

Haven't posted for a few days. Still considering the futility of it all. One of my worst eating times is while I sit here on the computer reading through the days blogs and updating my own blog.

Perhaps I would be better doing something else in my evenings? Yoga or weights or painting or another such distraction.

Also the TV and computer are in the same room, so I often get sucked in to watching a program that I don't need to watch, and wasting my evening...

On a positive note, today is the first day of Spring! Hooray! Roll on those long days of summer :-)

Day 375 CD 70

Felt rotten today (too much wine last night, a broken sleep) - ate accordingly

Day 374 CD 69: Exercise day

Wow - just noticed that I have been blogging on my ups and downs with Intuitive Eating for over a year now.

I guess in some ways that is a bit sad, as I don't feel like I really have made any progress.

I still eat more than I should most of the time
I still binge on occasion
I still weigh more than I'd like
I still feel out of control with food
I still sometimes eat in secret

On the other hand...

I do have days when I eat intuitively and have small victories of eating intuitively and making the right choices
I did show that I could give up sugar for a whole month
I am running/walking and bike riding, and I have taken up karate
I am regularly thinking about eating nuts and fruit as snacks, and pack them in my lunch

So I guess in some ways this *IS* progress... it just feels a long way from the way I want to feel.. free from feeling controlled by food and happy with the way I feel

Day 373 CD 68

Been out of action for a few days, away from a computer, which was quite a nice change... actually if the truth be told there was a computer I could use, but it was a mac and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to turn it on!!!!! :-)

On the eating front I did well when I was distracted (it was a busy weekend), but did eat through the best part of a king size bar of chocolate in the space of less than a day! I didn't get out for any runs either.

Had another "interesting" day at work today, which is stressing me a bit - but hoping just to go with the flow.....

Day 368 CD 63: A run in the sun

It was an absolutely stunning day here today (although is supposed to get down to a chilly 2 degrees tonight - brrr!!!)

I went for a lovely run/walk along the beach today. (My only real mini victory today)

Day 367 CD 62

Ho hum day today - a minor victory in that I halfed the chocolate bar that I bought from the snackbox with my co-worker (thus avoiding eating it all myself!).

I didn't make it for a run at lunchtime, as i had these weird stomach cramps. They lasted about an hour, but went away in the end.

Very chilly here tonight - hopefully another fine day tomorrow.

Day 366 CD 61: Eat and eat and eat

It was a beautifully sunny but chilly day today. For some reason I just wanted to eat and eat and eat.... I don't know why....

But anyway, some small victories:
- walk at lunchtime when tempted to buy lollies
- ride bike home instead of getting a lift
- karate

Day 365 CD 60

I have started to log my "mini victories". Today I had a few including:
- going to the snack box for a cookie, buying liquorice instead, and then putting it in my drawer and eating an apple instead (ate it later in the afternoon)
- consciously taking a smaller portion for dinner and my evening snacks
- going for a run at lunchtime.

I am going to work on increasing my mini victories this next 30 days.

If I can average 3 mini victories each day this week, as well as have 5+ fruit and vege, by next Monday, I will buy myself some nice Living Nature products.

Day 364 CD 59

I did moderately today. Looking back at my food diary I can see that I am not eating much fruit during the day, but eating lots of refined food. That has been happening a lot lately.

At least it was a gorgeous sunny day here today. I got out with the kids this morning to the park, and then later this afternoon for a walk along the beach to the rock pools. That was fun!

I'm off to do some weights - haven't done any for a few days.

I feel a need for some goal setting coming on - for health/eating/finances/marriage/exercise....

Day 363 CD 58

I feel like I was a little more on track and intuitive today. I still have a long way to go, but I made some conscious choices today (like going for a run, stopping when I wasn't enjoying the apple turnover).

I think I will go sugar free for 30 days again on Monday. I will talk to hubby about it to see what he thinks. I'm not sure if this latest binge few weeks was caused by the "no sugar" deprivation mentality... anyone out there reading - tell me what you think!

Day 360 CD 54: Karate!

Last night I went to a trial karate class. It was actually quite fun and I think I will take it up once or twice a week.

I have been eating like a crazy woman lately. I got through my first bar of chocolate (plus other stuff) in two days....

I finished the Beyond Chocolate book - now just need to put it into practice - deciding what to focus on first.

Day 359 CD 53: A beautiful monday

Gorgeous weather here today.

I bought 3 king size bars of whittakers creamy milk chocolate tonight, as part of my Beyond Chocolate beginnings. I haven't listened to my hunger today, although I did stop for 60 seconds at one point....

Wednesday is my focus renewal day. Tomorrow I will prepare.

Day 358 CD 52

After a crazy weekend of 2 year old birthday/party, visitors and too much wine, I got an hour or so this afternoon to read my Beyond Chocolate book. So far so good, it seems fairly similar to my other IE books (HUGS, IE, Rules of Normal Eating).

Two things I have picked up on are:
- they said that there will be times when you stop yourself before eating, realise that you are not hungry and that you are eating for emotional reasons, but you will still eat - and that is ok, since we aren't perfect
- often books say "distract yourself, call a friend, go for a walk" but that is not easy to do, they suggested at first to just even stop yourself for 60 seonds to see "where you are at"

I will go and read some more now.

p.s. managed to get out for a run with my sister, and didn't do too badly

Day 355 CD 49

Did ok today until I came to work from home this afternoon. I was stressing about work and worrying about some other things, and I raided the party treats from the pantry....

It's like I put my logical conscious brain away, and let the eating monster inside take over....

I ordered a second hand book called Beyond Chocolate. I think it is basically intuitive eating, but the UK version.... will see how that goes when I get it. I don't want to start over yet again though....

Day 354 CD 48: More crazy eating

Crazy eating days continue...

Day 350 CD 44: After days of bingeing, some light

I've had a bit of a binge fest this week. Gone crazy over sugar and chocolate.

But today wasn't so bad (despite being an awful wet cold dreary day). I didn't munch out, and I ate reasonable portions. I also haven't spend the evening raiding the pantry like I usually do. My stomach currently feels at about a 4, which is much better than going to be on an 8!!!

Aim for tomorrow, meal by meal, think.

Terrible eating frenzy

I had a terrible eating frenzy today - WHAT IS GOING ON?????

Day 345 CD 39

I have gone a bit crazy with food again today... I need to take stock of where I am and what I want and what my body needs.

Day 342 CD 36

STill in a bit of a rut... but this is a lapse, not a relapse....

Day 341 CD 35: Awful day

Awful day today. I had a huge binge in the afternoon.... don't know what is going on.

Why can't this be simple.....

Day 340 CD 34: Still off track

Didn't post yesterday since I went off the rails a bit (2 chocolate bars in the space of 20 mins!!). Today hasn't been too much better...

Day 338 CD 32: No junk food

Ooh - was tempted today - to share a crunchie bar with my colleague, but didn't in the end.

Have eaten a bit more than I should have today (past 5), but at least it was junk food free... will keep working on that.

Day 337 CD 31

Ok, it is time for the next step in my change now. I have decided to do the following things to help me in my next stage.

After all that sugar I had yesterday, I really noticed the effect it had on my body... (not good!)

My aim is to listen to hunger, and to eat junk food less than 3 times per week. In order to help with this, I am going to give myself (and my hubby) 50 cents for each day in the next month that I don't have junk food. If I do eat it then I aim to enjoy it and savour it... and move on.

I am still aiming for more than 5 fruit and vege a day, plus getting some exercise most days (and enjoying how it makes me feel).

Today I took my daughter to the movies, and didn't eat great most of the day.

Day 336 CD 30: I ate sugar today!

I ate sugar today!!!

Even though strictly I should have waited until tomorrow, I was going out this evening and decided that I would have some this afternoon. I have gone a little overboard, but hubby helped me call a halt to the munching that I was doing.

So now what? My new focus is on aiming to not eat sugary stuff more than 3 times per week, and to focus on hunger.

I need to re-assess how I can incent myself. I am very pleased that I pretty much managed the 30 days, but I have to be careful not to fall back into old habits. I now know that I CAN do it if I put my mind to it, and my body feels a whole lots better without the sugar. It really enjoys good quality chocolate in amounts that are enough to savour.

Day 335 CD 29

So - tomorrow is the last day of sugar free. I have to make sure that I don't go crazy with it!

I overate all day today. DOn't know why.....

Day 334 CD 28 - Need to wait for hunger

OK - sugar thing is down, but still have to work on the "listening to my body" thing. I overate and ate when I wasn't really hungry today.

Tomorrow, just focus on waiting for hunger to eat.

Day 333 CD 27

Better on the exercise front today, on this gorgeous sunny day.

Stopped myself from eating when not hungry once today, and once tonight.

Day 332 CD 26

My evening eating is still a problem. I prowl around after the kids are in bed, finding whatever I can that "tastes nice" even though I am not really hungry. I am still doing good at avoiding sugar, so those night time prowls are usually for chips or fatty things.

Day 330 CD 24

Got a headache today, and didn't get out for my run... hopefully more progress tomorrow. On the bright side, still sugar free.

Day 330 CD 24

Got a headache today.. that TOTM. Weather held out but was windy, and I had the kids myself all afternoon, so didn't manage to get in a run. Must try and go during lunchtimes this week.

Day 329 CD 23

It was a fantastic sunny winter's day here today - just great for improving my mood. I should have got out for a run, but ended up just doing jobs. It was nice and relaxing though, and late afternoon I got the kids out of the house and took a walk to the park for a kickaround with the ball.

Unfortunately it looks like the weather is packing in tomorrow.... maybe a run in the chilly rain??

Still sugar free - I guess I will make it now as only 7 days to go!! After the 30 days my aims are to:
- track sugar/junk food eating and aim for less than 3x per week
- consider hunger when eating
- keep active
- divert my attenttion to other things when tempted to eat

Day 328 CD 22

Did ok today - still no sugar. Didn't order lunch as I was full from morning tea. Got the munchies a bit this evening, but apart from that it is all ok.

Day 327 CD 21

Wow - three weeks of my change. I feel very proud of myself for avoiding the sugar, although I do need to work on the chips and cheese that I have been eating!

I haven't posted for a while since we were away over the weekend, and then our pc monitor died. Now we have a loaner until we can sort out a new one. Another expense I just don't need right now....

The trip away made the sugar thing sooo hard. There was a party for my daughter with loads of sweets and chocolate, then a dinner out with friends and two desserts... and lots of leftover birthday cake... BUT I RESISTED. I even pulled out the packet of chocolate thinking I might eat some, but just smelled it instead :-)

I haven't run for more than a week now. Must get back on that horse! The weather has been really miserable here lately with storms etc. Still, the forecast is good for the next few days, so no more excuses there.

I'm going to go through my change contract again tonight and plan what to focus on next, and what will happen about sugar at the end of the 30 days...

Day 320 CD 14: 2 weeks down

SO I have made two weeks - still feel like I am munching out in the evenings.... got to work on that

Day 319 CD 13

Well I just seem to want to eat this afternoon/evening. It is a cold, blah day, and I am getting stressed about all I have to do/buy before this weekend (daughter's party and friend's birthday).

I feel full and bloated now. My only victory today is that I avoided sugar, but maybe my extra cravings are BECAUSE of the no sugar?? Could be lack of water though, as I haven't drunk any water since I have been home from work.

Off to have a drink and go to bed feeling ick.

I think I need to remind myself what this change is all about....

Day 318 CD 12: Bike day

I biked to work and home again today, which is something that I hadn't done for a while.

Sugar free again today, despite temptations (brownies at work, icecream at home)....

I need to work on the junk food thing though, as I seem to have substituted cheese/crackers and chips for the sugar in my life.

Day 317 CD 11: Family reunited

I was reunited with my family today. It was nice to see their smiling faces again.

Hubby and I also got a major chore done tonight - tax returns (due on the 7th - talk about last minute!!). Glad that is over.... that took the whole evening so I wasn't distracted by the chips tonight. Hooray!

Exercise tomorrow.....

Day 316 CD 10: Delayed homecoming

I am a bit bummed that my family who were due home this afternoon, have been delayed until tomorrow morning after a bomb scare disrupted flights.

The first night they were away was exciting and peaceful, the second I started to miss them, and now I can't wait to see them!

I did ok today - still no sugar HOORAY! and made it for a run walk despite the constant rain today. I have been snacking more than I should, and it hasn't been for hunger - more like boredom.....

Anyway - tomorrow is a work day, so that will keep me distracted!

Day 315 CD 9: Tidy house

I spent the whole of yesterday cleaning up the house, and sorting out paper work. It was a good distraction, although because I was at home by myself I had a lot of cravings.

I nearly caved in several times including when I did the supermarket shopping (my inner demon saying "oh it doesn't matter if you cave in this once - you have done well most of the time"), but I didn't.

My eating hasn't exactly been healthy and balanced, but I am proud of myself for sticking with the no sugar thing.

Off to do some more cleaning before the messer-uppers get home....

Day 314 Change Day 8

I am on my own until Sunday - which feels very strange. The fam left this morning to the inlaws on a spur of the moment trip, and I am left behind to try to get all the things done that I wanted to around the house.

It feels very weird, and the old part of me wants to treat this as an eating fest! Which I have done a little, eating more than I should, and grabbing at stuff rather that sitting down for a balanced meal. However I have avoided sugar all day - hooray!

Anyway, I set myself 15 mins on the computer before more tidying, so I'd better be off.

Day 313 CD7 - A week done

Ok, so it has been a week of the new challenge. It is getting hard, I was SOOOO craving some sugar today.... but I resisted, distracted, and ate chips instead... not ideal, but I need to focus on my primary goal.

I ate a bit much chinese takeaways this evening. I liked the taste to much and was really hungry before dinner.

Day 312 Change Day 6

Is it only 6 days already? It feels like I have been doing this no sugar thing for an eternity!

Day 311 Change Day 5

Did ok today. Still being sugar free, although I was really hungry today for some reason (maybe this chilly weather??)

Day 310 Change Day 4

Well I didn't accidentally eat anything sugary today (hooray!). It was a bit of an effort, as there was a morning tea shout at work in which everything had sugar in it (including the vege chips!).

I'm getting great support from my hubby, work colleagues, and my online accountability partner, which has been a great support.

The weather is getting a bit nippy here. It is supposed to be 3 degrees overnight - brrrr! I usually find myself being slothful at this time of year, so the timing of this change is critical.

Day 309 Change Day 3

Big oops today - ate sugar without even realising it. Feel pretty dumb doing that on day 3!!!

Getting good support from home, and don't have a headache today (well didn't even before the brownie).

Managed to get my butt out the door for a walk too.

Onwards and upwards

Day 308 Change Day 2

OK, so I feel a bit crappier today. Have been a bit tired, headachy and grumpy. Have probably eaten a bit more than just when hungry. Have felt like I was roaming around looking for something i could eat this afternoon and this evening.

Hubby has been very supportive though, which is great. And there are no junk foods (sugar free) in the cupboard to tempt me!

Day 307 Change Day 1: Fresh as a daisy

It feels nice to have a fresh start, and I did well today. I don't even feel too yucky or headachy yet which is good.

Day 306: A new start

My "Change for Good" approach starts tomorrow

I am starting tomorrow June 22nd. I will be:
- committing to 30 days of sugar free as a kick start
- aiming to eat to hunger/fullness cues, and what my body needs/deserves
- keep my feelings/hunger tracker on my desk and make a note every time I think about eating
- aiming to be active for 20 mins or more 4 times per week
- praying, diverting, relaxing.

I am also going to track on my blog daily the following things:
- whether I have eaten in secret or sneaked food
- whether I have been sugar free
- how many fruit/veges I have had (I do this already, but want to get the numbers up!)
- how much junk food $ I used (I have $90 to start the month - and get to keep what is left)
- what exercise I have done
- how many times I ate when I wasn't hungry

Later I want to focus on things like portions and getting some of these things refined, but for now the above is my focus.

I have support from my hubby and my accountability partner, Jenn. I know that this will take ENERGY, EFFORT, and ATTENTION. I can do it!

Day 301: Been away a while

Haven't been blogging for a while, partly because I have "fallen off the wagon" and partly because I am in the planning phase for action (based on the "Changing for Good" book).

I have yet to set a date, but preparation is underway for my change... the book emphasises that is important not to just jump right in and start to try to change straight away. It says you need to review the good and bad things about changing to see where you are at.

Overeating does have some positivity in my life (as strange as it may seem to say that). It means I eat whatever I want. It numbs my feelings. It means I don't need to be worried about being seen as a "sex object" or get undue attention. Chocolate makes me feel good (for a while). And overeating is my habit, and the "easier option".

So I need to think about WHY I am going to change, and ensure that those reasons are more than good enough to counteract any positive thoughts about staying the same....

Anyway, it is late so I don't want to go into details now, but see later posts for my new approach and plan..... :-)

Day 292: Got my book yesterday

Sorry for not posting for a couple of days. I have been doing great on exercise, but not so good on the eating front.

Anyway I got my new book - Changing for Good - yesterday. Just read the first couple of chapters so far, but so far so good.

Day 289: Climb every mountain

I was climbing mountains today - literally and non-literally. My physical mountain was a walk my family on a beautiful holiday day. Something that we had been meaning to do since we moved here over a year ago.

My other mountain, my eating, didn't go too badly today. I ate reasonably intuitively. Felt a bit full after dinner. Slept away the afternoon which probably helped the afternoon-at-home-munchies!

Anyway, here is to a positive week.

Day 287: OK day

I had an OK day today - it could have been a lot worse!!!

I felt hunger a couple of times, and haven't gone all out crazy this evening.

Baby steps.

Preparing mentally for my 5km race tomorrow.

Day 286: Hamsters again

I'm being a hamster again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 284: Cold kicking in, eating taking hold

I told myself I wouldn't try to stuff this cold with food, but I am!!! I know it doesn't help and I would be better with honey and lemon drinks!!!!

Day 283: Great run at lunchtime

I made myself go for a decent run at lunchtime, and I did great!

Still work to do on eating when hungry, but making baby steps - avoided the icecream tonight!

Day 282: Sitting with full belly again

Haven't posted for a few days. Didn't do great over the weekend - no spirituality, and generally no consciousness...

I have ordered a book today that I saw on the A Weight Lifted site...

Day 279: Lots of exercise today

So the eating wasn't great today, but I got in a bit of exercise - riding to and from work, and walking at lunchtime.

This weekend I will work on feeling hunger again.

Day 278: The snack box and the evening munchies

These two things are my current downfall. The ever-present snack box at work, and the items that are on hand while I sit at the computer or watch tv in the evening.....

Day 277: Progress in the rain

It was a horrid day weather wise today, but not so bad on the "intuitive eating" front. I did "graze" a bit at work, but avoided the snack box (getting very close on occasions!). I also forced myself out for a run at lunchtime, just made it a short one, but glad I got out there.

Gonna do some weights in front of the tv soon.

Day 276: Headaches aren't solved by eating!

Why is it that when I feel a bit off colour, I reach for food - I KNOW that it doesn't help!!

Day 275

Ok, so I figured out why I was hungry and grumpy!!

Day 274 - Hamster wheel

I sit here with a full stomach after eating way beyond "satisfied". When will I learn.

I have been on autopilot the last few days.

Day 270: Forgetting the spirit

I am forgetting my trust in the spirit during the day... I take time to think about it in the evening after blogging, and reassure myself that I will focus hard the next day, but the next day I slip into old habits.

Today also wasn't helped by an awful night's sleep last night...

Day 270: Progress not perfection

Today I had some progress, and some areas that weren't so focussed, but overall it went well.

Day 269: Alone in an office...and eating

So today my office mate wasn't there, and I turned it into an excuse for an eating binge. I ate lots of crap.

The positive side of the day is that at lunchtime I went to walk to the shops to get more sweets to eat in my office, but part way there I turned around and said "what am I doing - I don't need to do that" and I went back to my office and had a mint instead.

That was a small ray of sunshine in a cloudy day.

Day 268: Another bad nights sleep

I had another awful night's sleep last night. My son kept us awake.

I hate this half awake feeling, and I was silly and tried to medicate it with food.... it doesn't help. All I need is an early night.

Day 264: Progress not perfection

I am seeking progress, not perfection, and today I got that. I managed to avoid the snack box at work, despite nearly heading for it several times. I had a junky dinner, but I didn't eat beyond satisfied, so that is progress.

I even managed to haul my butt out the door at lunchtime for a run, despite being SO TIRED today after an awful night's sleep... Hopefully it will be a better one tonight.

Day 263: Slightly better but still work to do

I felt I did a little better today, but I still need to listen to my heart. I went to get lollies at lunchtime today. I wasn't hungry, I was even thinking that as I walked to buy the sweets!

Keep trying.

Day 262: Hamster wheel is back

What has happened - I was doing so well at focussing and it has all gone out the window. I need help.

Day 260: No comment

...

Day 259: Wake up

Doing lazy silly things today.... need to wake up.

Day 258: Going so well then....

Old habits die hard. I listened to my hunger right up until the end of work when I was dealing with something annoying, and I attacked a chocolate bar. Then this evening I have munched out on some snacky junk....

At least I did some great exercise today - although it was hard work.

Day 257: Back and forward

I gave in to temptation from the snack box this morning, but since then have been listening to my hunger.

Day 256: Improved day

My day was an improvement on yesterday - I did well at work eating when hungry and eating what my body needed.

We got thai takeout tonight and it was so yummy that I had a second serving that I didn't really need. Then just now when I was working on the computer I saw hubby eating icecream and decided that I wanted some too - even though I was still quite full. Need to work on that...

Day 255: Eat-fest

I had a crazy day today. It was a horrible wet day, and a Monday (yuck). I got a letter at work with some news about my pay increase (which was probably better than expected - although I didn't expect much). That just kicked off a big eating fest!

I got a giant cookie from the snack bix, ate a big lunch, then bought sweets, and have munched my way through this evening with no thought or consciousness!!

I feel awful now, so I am going to take this as a little reminder of what my body and my spirit really needs....

Day 254: Great run this morning, chocolate biscuit chaos this afternoon

I went for a run this morning and found another road that cuts through which meant that I could do a little over 1.5x my normal route. I did it and I felt great. I will have to do that route again. It was 25 mins too so quite a good time for a daily run.

I am keeping up my spiritual focus.

Day 253: Grey day

It was a wet and rainy day here today until early afternoon - that certainly affects my mood. I did ok today, but need to keep up my positive thoughts.

Day 252: A few drinks and it all turns to custard

I had drinks after work tonight and have since spent the evening munching away...

Day 251: Running like the wind

I went for a run at lunchtime today (well - "jog" is probably a better word) and it felt great! Unfortunately I didn't start my timer of my watch properly but it must have been around 30 mins non-stop and it felt great!

My eating today at work was pretty focussed - I nearly bought a chocolate bar - but there weren't any flavours that I liked, so I walked away - that is progress!

I munched out a bit this evening, I will refocus and reflect tonight.

Day 250: Tired but an Ok day

I was very tired today after an awful night with sick kid. Normally this would cause me to completely stuff my face with junk in an attempt to wake up, and although I did eat when I wasn't hungry a couple of times, I didn't go "all out" - so that is progress!

Day 249: A walk in the sunshine

A friend convinced me to go bush walking today. We got organised a bit late so we only ended up doing a casual walk around a park, but it was nice to get out in the fresh air.

My eating has been good today in general. I overate a bit at dinner time, and have nibbled this evening despite being full, but all in all it has been a good day. So many positive days in a row - and it is that TOTM!

Day 248: Continued focus

My focus has continued for another day, despite stress at work (performance review) and an awful sleep last night. I overate slightly this evening, but no secret eating and I don't feel stuffed full.

That is awesome!!!

Day 247: Another positive day

I have had another positive day today. My eating has been natural, and although my food choices weren't such that I could eat them every day, I ate what I wanted and stopped when I was full.

I sit at the computer now without munching on endless empty "treats".

Day 246: Spiritual guidance

Got some spiritual guidance today and in a positive frame of mind.

Day 245: Dastardly lollies again

I bought lollies at lunchtime today. I don't know why!!!!

My focus for tomorrow is on whole foods.

Day 244: Focus

I have decided I need to focus on a particular thing each day. So I am going to buy a diary and plan out my daily focus ideas.

Day 243: Test results

I got my test results back today (I had a nagging concern about diabetes, so I got a test done) it was all clear which is great. However I guess a small part of me thought that if I DID have diabetes then that would be a big butt-kicking reason to make major changes in my diet...

Day 241: Some progress

I have decided to take a little more of a spiritual approach to this, and so far I have made some progress.

This morning at work I got some money together to go and get something from the snack box. I wasn't hungry. Just as I was about to get up I thought - no I'm not hungry and went through my spiritual thought instead. It worked.

This evening has been ok too, although I have eaten junk food I sat at the table and I haven't gone overboard. I ate a small amount of dark chocolate (its good for you!!! :-}) and some banana with chocolate icecream.

Yay for small steps forward.

Day 240: 5km jog then eat chocolate all day

The title says it all...

Day 238: Places to eat

I have been thinking about the times that I overeat, and there are common places:

• in front of the computer in the evening
• in front of the computer at work
• cleaning up at home in the evening
• watching TV.

So I am going to attempt to just eat when I am sitting at the table - and thinking about what I am doing.

Tonight I did ok with that. I consciously sat at the table when I grabbed my two choccie biscuits when I was cleaning up. Hubby gave me a creme egg while I was sitting at the computer, so i ate it there.. and then I got some chips while the tv was on.... But on a positive note I caught up on my filing that has been bugging me for a while - a good use of TV time!

Tomorrow's goal is to sit and eat consciously.

Day 236: Always after dinner

After dinner is always my downfall... while on this computer usually!!!! Or watching TV.

Day 235: Sugar frenzy

Lots of rubbish food today.

I need to roll my rock....

Day 233: Easter Sunday means CHOCOLATE!

OK - so having all these chocolate easter eggs around is a little too much temptation for me, however I haven't been tooooo out of control.

In-laws have gone back home today. It was nice to see them, but it will be nice just to have a day to ourselves to potter around tomorrow before going back to work.

Day 231: In laws here

My in-laws are staying with us. This is nice for us and the kids, and it means that hubby and I get a little bit of a break from constant preschool chatter.

Easter eggs in the cupboard are calling me but I am trying to hold out till sunday.

Day 229

I have been working longer hours lately, but tonight I made myself leave early. It was nice to get home a bit earlier to see the kids.

I have been munching out this evening, but now that I have done my computer stuff I am going to have a relaxing evening.

Day 228: Too busy to eat properly?

Why when I get busy do my eating habits fall by the wayside?

I went for a run at lunchtime today, but my legs felt like lead....

Day 227: Birthday girl

It is my birthday today - what an excuse to eat!

Day 226: Did da duathlon!

I made it!!! The duathlon was today, and despite hardly doing any training in the last week or so (storms and awful weather here this week - although it was fine today) I made it. It was a 3.5km run/walk (I jogged slowly), a 10km cycle (found this fine since I ride to work - although there were lots of hills), and 1.5 km run/walk (my aim was to jog but my legs were like jelly and the grass was awful to run on - ended up jogging the last half).

It is my birthday tomorrow, so we went out to lunch today to celebrate, which was really nice. My son decided he liked my lunch better than his, so we ended up sharing.

I have just entered another 5km run in 2 weeks time, so will need to keep (start!!) the training. Now it is cooling down I hope to go out some lunchtimes while I am at work.

Next step is to get control of my endless eating - let's see how that goes...

Day 224: Soon to be another year older

It is my birthday on Monday, and around this time of year I always seem to think about what I am doing with my life, and in particular my food issues.

I am actually starting to get really concerned about stuff like diabetes and heart disease. My BMI is around 28-29 - much higher and I will be in the obese category!!!!

I want to be healthy for me and for my family.

Day 222: Not so on-to-it today

Old habits again....

Day 221: Blogging again

Did ok today - progress at least....

Day No Idea

So I have been a bit slack with blogging (again) lately. No idea even what day I am up to now....

Just been reading some stuff on the web on binge eating - interesting.... Questions to ask (and my answers) are:
I eat when I am not hungry. YES
I eat until I feel extremely uncomfortable, not just full. YES
I eat a lot—and often. YES
I snack and nibble all day long. YES
I feel out of control and can't stop eating. YES
I eat very fast. YES
I prefer to eat alone. YES
I keep my eating habits a secret from family and friends. YES
I always seem to be dieting—and breaking my diet. KIND OF
My weight goes up and down by more than a few pounds. KIND OF
I feel disgusted, depressed, and guilty after I eat a lot. YES

Pretty telling really....

Also I:
- Hide food wrappers so that people won't know what i have eaten
- Eat normally in front of people, then sneak out and eat afterwards
- Eat treats that have been given to my kids
- Know what food is good for me and my body, and what should be eaten occasionally, but eat junk as often as I can...........

Day 207: Small progress

Felt like I made some small steps of progress today.... While at work I wrote down the time every time I thought about eating (a lot!!!), what my hunger rating was, and then I wrote what I did. Most of the time I did some deep breaths. I did have two snacks (including chocolate), but I felt like it was great progress considering some of the days I have had lately. This evening hasn't been too bad either (although I have eaten through most of the temptation on previous days!)

Good baby steps. Keep it up! :-)

Day 206: Stuffed again

Stuffed myself so full tonight - had eaten a lot then hubby bought a burger and chips home and I ate even more... stressed about work/home situation...

Day 203: Fatty food frenzy

Eating eating eating... all day long....

Day 202

Was annoyed yesterday becuase blogspot wasn't working again so I couldn't blog my stuff. I actually had a reasonably good day yessterday. I rode into work on my bike, and avoided all except one sweet all day (I ended upeating a bag of vege crisps when I found my orange was mouldy!!).

I was tempted lots of times for chocolate. I even went to the snack boxto buy one, then someone came in and I thought I don't really want it,so I didn't get it!!! I even managed to get out for a small run at lunchtime and rode home. Then after dinner I was craving sweet things. I had some crisps again,and a couple of biscuits but I didn't eat the icecream that wascalling to me several times during the evening. So overall I think yesterday could be counted as a babystep to success!

Today wasn't quite so positive. I did ride to and from work, but I didn't take much lunch/fruit with me and ended up at the snack box at 9.30am cos I was hungry.

At lunchtime I had sushi, and then went and bought some chocolate raisins when I was at the fruit shop to buy fruit. I ate all the chocolate raisins and none of the fruit!!!

Anyway. Tomorrow I am aiming for sugar free - I will eat anything else....

Day 200: 200 days on and no closer to change

I feel a bit deflated by the fact that I have been blogging for 200 days, but today was just as much of an eating frenzy as ever. If I were someone else listening to me I would want to slap me and say - "just get on with it! How hard can it be to think before you eat!"

Day 190: Nothing to say

Blah blah blah :-P

Day 189: More of the same

No progress to report. Ciao

Day 187: Like a hamster stuck in a wheel

I feel a bit like a hamster stuck in one of those revolving wheels.....

Day 186: OK for a weekend day

Today was ok for a weekend day. I was trying to avoid highly processed food, and I did an ok job until later this evening (as usual).

Tomorrow's aims are:
- walk or run
- snack-box free

Day 185: OK day

Did ok today. Had lots of cravings in afternoon when kids were asleep, and my usual post dinner time. Decided to go out for a run this evening (running after eating usually gives me stitch), and since it had been so long since I ate it wasn't too bad (stomach-wise - lack of fitness and carrying lots of extra weight is a whole 'nother story!

Day 184: OK day

OK day today. Listened to my hypnosis recording again last night.

Day 183: No lunch not hungry

Had a kightbulb moment today - and didn't eat any lunch because I'd had a large muffin at morning tea, and I just wasn't hungry!!

Hooray!

Day 182: Headache

I have a headache this evening. It stopped me riding home, and now I am munching on Valentine's chocolates to see if it will help.... it isn't.

Day 181: Some progress

Well I feel like I had a little more progress than yesterday's junk fest. I listened to my hypnosis recording last night before I went to sleep and I felt a lot calmer today. I took a good lunch to work, and did ok with eating there.

I am struggling a little this evening again, but am off to do a quick 15 min flylady de clutter, and then will do some painting to distract myself.

Day 180: Junk food frenzy

I had my office to myself for the day, had a sore (OOS related) wrist, was stressed about work, and so I had a junkfood frenzy. I feel yuck...

Must meditate on this tonight.

Day 177: Should I bother?

After blogging for 177 days I feel I am no further on. Is it worth it?

Day 176: Day OK, Evening Away

My evenings just turn to custard! (or should that be chocolate!)

Day 174: Out of the house and exercising with family

It was an inspiring crisp sunny morning this morning, so we headed out to Te Puna Quarry Park for a walk. My 4 yo did well walking most of the way herself, and hubby and I got extra exercise carrying the 13kg 18 month old!!

Did ok for eating today, right up until my usual weak time of the evening... Tomorrow night I am going to work on one of my projects instead of browsing at the computer (although Lost is on tomorrow so that will be an hour of TV time, but maybe I can do something else while I am watching).

Day 173: So much for my goals

I did crap at my goals today - I didn't run in the morning because it was pouring with rain. I ate sugar all day (3 trips to the snack box at work!) and had my usual piggy evening....

How do I snap out of it?

Day 172: Lazy day

We had a lazy day here today as it was yucky and wet - I had lots of mini naps and now I am wide awake at 11.30pm!!!

Goals for tomorrow: feel hunger and choose fruit over sugar

Day 171: Not much fruit today!

Oh dear - looking at my diary I see I had haredly any fruit today....

I need to take some time to think about what I am reading in the rules of normal eating book

Day 169: Babysteps

Small steps of progress today. I gave blood this morning, and had the afternoon off to take my daughter to kindy induction day.

Eating was ok - I thought about hunger and fullness a bit.

Day 168: Oops

Ok, so I didn't get off to a very good start of "blogging every day" - I had a pretty big eating evening yesterday... I felt like I was in a sugar coma!

Today has gone fairly well, at least until while I was cleaning out the pantry I found a bag of lollies and ate the lot!!

When I woke up, I didn't feel up to a run, so I grabbed my yoga mat and did some yoga poses before breakfast - that felt great and I will try to keep doing that.

I did IE at work today - not eating at my desk, eating the lunch I had brought in instead of getting sushi, no lollies. And I thought periodically about my hunger and how full I was. I even had a bit of a rumble going before lunch and dinner!

I guess my positive thought of the day is " the daytime went great!"

Day 166: Reading books, but not yet changing

Well it has been a while since I blogged... I had my trip away for work and it actually went quite well, and I didn't need to be as nervous as I was. I ate well when I was away (apart from getting through a six pack of chocolate hot cross buns! :-P)

Since I have been back I have been stuck in my old problem of evening eating (days have been mostly ok, with a few times when I have headed for the dreaded lunchtime lollies)...

The "Rules of Normal Eating" book that I have been reading is pretty heavy on beliefs and feelings, and I need to work my way through it and spend the time on it. The basic premise of the changes that need to be made are very similar to HUGS - thinking about hunger and satisfaction.... But it also talks about cravings. It also focussed not only on reformed dieters, but also overeaters - and I definitely fit more into the second category, as I have never had much success for long with diets.

I haven't started reading the IE book yet....

My main goals for the next week are to:
- blog every day
- keep in touch with Jenn my accountability partner
- keep reading and starting to apply what I have learned.

On a positive note, it was a stinking hot day so we headed to the beach yesterday. I let my inhibitions go and went in swimming with bearly a thought about what people must think of my thundery white thighs :-). It was a fantastic swim.

Day 152: Books arrived today

Woohoo! My books arrived today - just in the nick of time.

Have been thinking that my eating frenzy has probably been related to some work stress. I have to travel tomorrow for a couple of days and am in a bit of a stressful situation, so it is weighing on my mind.

Day 151: Struggling

I feel like I was doing ok, but have gone back into usual habits. I went to try on clothes yesterday and was basically disgusted with myself and how I look. I can't fit normal size clothes anymore...
Weather has been rubbish this week (maybe affecting my mood) hot and rainy most of the time. Haven't done any exercise apart from a walk yesterday and one length of the pool this morning (need to go swimming without kids).

Hope my IE books come soon.

Day 150: 150 days and where have I gone

I am a little demoralised today. I have been creating this blog for 150 days but I don't feel like I have gone anywhere....

Day 149: Near made 6 days

I was doing so well, and then I let myself down this evening....

Today I was craving sweets - I nearly went to buy some but I bought some cherries and grapes instead for that sweet hit (I ate quite a lot but at least I felt better than eating a bag of lollies!)

Then this evening hubby was busy so I had to deal with the kids etc, and they were crying because he wasn't around and because it was hot and sticky. I dealt with all that and the mess (stuff left from breakfast - yuck!) and then REALLY wanted sugary treats. I tried to have crackers and cheese to stave it off, but in the end I caved in and ate several sweet things. Now I feel yucky....

But I am still going to do the 7 day no sugar thing... as I feel I need to do it.

Day 148: Still sugar free, but tempting me!

I have made another day without sugar....nevermind all the other rubbish I have eaten. It has been interesting because I thought it would get easier over time but it hasn't... maybe I need to give it longer before it becomes natural not to crave it.

Day 147: 4th sugar free day

Oh I SOOO wanted sugar this evening. But I didn't eat it - just loads of non-sugar stuff. I am wondering if it was the nacho chips I had - I noticed afterwards that they had sugar in them.

Day 146: 3 days without sugar

Ok, the title should be 3 days almost without sugar, as it is still a small ingredient in some of the savoury things that I have been eating...

I am actually feeling great about the sugar thing. I had a brief wavering moment after lunch today when I wanted to go and buy lollies, but I didn't and it felt good.

Day 145: Another sugar free day

Well I survived another day sugar free!!

Day 144: Sugar free

A new year! I haven't started the new year with a diet, but I have been thinking about how I can make some progress in eating intuitively.

I finally ordered a couple of books from amazon the other day (they will take a few weeks to get here). I had been putting it off because of the cost, and because I already have the HUGS books, but I finally decided that I need a kick start.

Well, the big news of the day is that I have decided to go without sugar for the week (as of this morning)! (Well, not completely without sugar - as it is in EVERYTHING - unbelievable reading those labels on food). Anyway, so far so good, despite there being chocolate cake on offer this afternoon, and hubby offering me part of a kitkat this morning.... I resisted! :-)

I'm not sure why I decided to do the sugar thing. It seems to be a thing that takes me out of control - like I can't get enough.