Day 282: Sitting with full belly again

Haven't posted for a few days. Didn't do great over the weekend - no spirituality, and generally no consciousness...

I have ordered a book today that I saw on the A Weight Lifted site...

Day 279: Lots of exercise today

So the eating wasn't great today, but I got in a bit of exercise - riding to and from work, and walking at lunchtime.

This weekend I will work on feeling hunger again.

Day 278: The snack box and the evening munchies

These two things are my current downfall. The ever-present snack box at work, and the items that are on hand while I sit at the computer or watch tv in the evening.....

Day 277: Progress in the rain

It was a horrid day weather wise today, but not so bad on the "intuitive eating" front. I did "graze" a bit at work, but avoided the snack box (getting very close on occasions!). I also forced myself out for a run at lunchtime, just made it a short one, but glad I got out there.

Gonna do some weights in front of the tv soon.

Day 276: Headaches aren't solved by eating!

Why is it that when I feel a bit off colour, I reach for food - I KNOW that it doesn't help!!

Day 275

Ok, so I figured out why I was hungry and grumpy!!

Day 274 - Hamster wheel

I sit here with a full stomach after eating way beyond "satisfied". When will I learn.

I have been on autopilot the last few days.

Day 270: Forgetting the spirit

I am forgetting my trust in the spirit during the day... I take time to think about it in the evening after blogging, and reassure myself that I will focus hard the next day, but the next day I slip into old habits.

Today also wasn't helped by an awful night's sleep last night...

Day 270: Progress not perfection

Today I had some progress, and some areas that weren't so focussed, but overall it went well.

Day 269: Alone in an office...and eating

So today my office mate wasn't there, and I turned it into an excuse for an eating binge. I ate lots of crap.

The positive side of the day is that at lunchtime I went to walk to the shops to get more sweets to eat in my office, but part way there I turned around and said "what am I doing - I don't need to do that" and I went back to my office and had a mint instead.

That was a small ray of sunshine in a cloudy day.

Day 268: Another bad nights sleep

I had another awful night's sleep last night. My son kept us awake.

I hate this half awake feeling, and I was silly and tried to medicate it with food.... it doesn't help. All I need is an early night.

Day 264: Progress not perfection

I am seeking progress, not perfection, and today I got that. I managed to avoid the snack box at work, despite nearly heading for it several times. I had a junky dinner, but I didn't eat beyond satisfied, so that is progress.

I even managed to haul my butt out the door at lunchtime for a run, despite being SO TIRED today after an awful night's sleep... Hopefully it will be a better one tonight.

Day 263: Slightly better but still work to do

I felt I did a little better today, but I still need to listen to my heart. I went to get lollies at lunchtime today. I wasn't hungry, I was even thinking that as I walked to buy the sweets!

Keep trying.

Day 262: Hamster wheel is back

What has happened - I was doing so well at focussing and it has all gone out the window. I need help.

Day 260: No comment

...

Day 259: Wake up

Doing lazy silly things today.... need to wake up.

Day 258: Going so well then....

Old habits die hard. I listened to my hunger right up until the end of work when I was dealing with something annoying, and I attacked a chocolate bar. Then this evening I have munched out on some snacky junk....

At least I did some great exercise today - although it was hard work.

Day 257: Back and forward

I gave in to temptation from the snack box this morning, but since then have been listening to my hunger.

Day 256: Improved day

My day was an improvement on yesterday - I did well at work eating when hungry and eating what my body needed.

We got thai takeout tonight and it was so yummy that I had a second serving that I didn't really need. Then just now when I was working on the computer I saw hubby eating icecream and decided that I wanted some too - even though I was still quite full. Need to work on that...

Day 255: Eat-fest

I had a crazy day today. It was a horrible wet day, and a Monday (yuck). I got a letter at work with some news about my pay increase (which was probably better than expected - although I didn't expect much). That just kicked off a big eating fest!

I got a giant cookie from the snack bix, ate a big lunch, then bought sweets, and have munched my way through this evening with no thought or consciousness!!

I feel awful now, so I am going to take this as a little reminder of what my body and my spirit really needs....

Day 254: Great run this morning, chocolate biscuit chaos this afternoon

I went for a run this morning and found another road that cuts through which meant that I could do a little over 1.5x my normal route. I did it and I felt great. I will have to do that route again. It was 25 mins too so quite a good time for a daily run.

I am keeping up my spiritual focus.

Day 253: Grey day

It was a wet and rainy day here today until early afternoon - that certainly affects my mood. I did ok today, but need to keep up my positive thoughts.

Day 252: A few drinks and it all turns to custard

I had drinks after work tonight and have since spent the evening munching away...

Day 251: Running like the wind

I went for a run at lunchtime today (well - "jog" is probably a better word) and it felt great! Unfortunately I didn't start my timer of my watch properly but it must have been around 30 mins non-stop and it felt great!

My eating today at work was pretty focussed - I nearly bought a chocolate bar - but there weren't any flavours that I liked, so I walked away - that is progress!

I munched out a bit this evening, I will refocus and reflect tonight.

Day 250: Tired but an Ok day

I was very tired today after an awful night with sick kid. Normally this would cause me to completely stuff my face with junk in an attempt to wake up, and although I did eat when I wasn't hungry a couple of times, I didn't go "all out" - so that is progress!

Day 249: A walk in the sunshine

A friend convinced me to go bush walking today. We got organised a bit late so we only ended up doing a casual walk around a park, but it was nice to get out in the fresh air.

My eating has been good today in general. I overate a bit at dinner time, and have nibbled this evening despite being full, but all in all it has been a good day. So many positive days in a row - and it is that TOTM!

Day 248: Continued focus

My focus has continued for another day, despite stress at work (performance review) and an awful sleep last night. I overate slightly this evening, but no secret eating and I don't feel stuffed full.

That is awesome!!!

Day 247: Another positive day

I have had another positive day today. My eating has been natural, and although my food choices weren't such that I could eat them every day, I ate what I wanted and stopped when I was full.

I sit at the computer now without munching on endless empty "treats".

Day 246: Spiritual guidance

Got some spiritual guidance today and in a positive frame of mind.

Day 245: Dastardly lollies again

I bought lollies at lunchtime today. I don't know why!!!!

My focus for tomorrow is on whole foods.

Day 244: Focus

I have decided I need to focus on a particular thing each day. So I am going to buy a diary and plan out my daily focus ideas.

Day 243: Test results

I got my test results back today (I had a nagging concern about diabetes, so I got a test done) it was all clear which is great. However I guess a small part of me thought that if I DID have diabetes then that would be a big butt-kicking reason to make major changes in my diet...

Day 241: Some progress

I have decided to take a little more of a spiritual approach to this, and so far I have made some progress.

This morning at work I got some money together to go and get something from the snack box. I wasn't hungry. Just as I was about to get up I thought - no I'm not hungry and went through my spiritual thought instead. It worked.

This evening has been ok too, although I have eaten junk food I sat at the table and I haven't gone overboard. I ate a small amount of dark chocolate (its good for you!!! :-}) and some banana with chocolate icecream.

Yay for small steps forward.

Day 240: 5km jog then eat chocolate all day

The title says it all...

Day 238: Places to eat

I have been thinking about the times that I overeat, and there are common places:

• in front of the computer in the evening
• in front of the computer at work
• cleaning up at home in the evening
• watching TV.

So I am going to attempt to just eat when I am sitting at the table - and thinking about what I am doing.

Tonight I did ok with that. I consciously sat at the table when I grabbed my two choccie biscuits when I was cleaning up. Hubby gave me a creme egg while I was sitting at the computer, so i ate it there.. and then I got some chips while the tv was on.... But on a positive note I caught up on my filing that has been bugging me for a while - a good use of TV time!

Tomorrow's goal is to sit and eat consciously.

Day 236: Always after dinner

After dinner is always my downfall... while on this computer usually!!!! Or watching TV.

Day 235: Sugar frenzy

Lots of rubbish food today.

I need to roll my rock....

Day 233: Easter Sunday means CHOCOLATE!

OK - so having all these chocolate easter eggs around is a little too much temptation for me, however I haven't been tooooo out of control.

In-laws have gone back home today. It was nice to see them, but it will be nice just to have a day to ourselves to potter around tomorrow before going back to work.

Day 231: In laws here

My in-laws are staying with us. This is nice for us and the kids, and it means that hubby and I get a little bit of a break from constant preschool chatter.

Easter eggs in the cupboard are calling me but I am trying to hold out till sunday.

Day 229

I have been working longer hours lately, but tonight I made myself leave early. It was nice to get home a bit earlier to see the kids.

I have been munching out this evening, but now that I have done my computer stuff I am going to have a relaxing evening.

Day 228: Too busy to eat properly?

Why when I get busy do my eating habits fall by the wayside?

I went for a run at lunchtime today, but my legs felt like lead....

Day 227: Birthday girl

It is my birthday today - what an excuse to eat!

Day 226: Did da duathlon!

I made it!!! The duathlon was today, and despite hardly doing any training in the last week or so (storms and awful weather here this week - although it was fine today) I made it. It was a 3.5km run/walk (I jogged slowly), a 10km cycle (found this fine since I ride to work - although there were lots of hills), and 1.5 km run/walk (my aim was to jog but my legs were like jelly and the grass was awful to run on - ended up jogging the last half).

It is my birthday tomorrow, so we went out to lunch today to celebrate, which was really nice. My son decided he liked my lunch better than his, so we ended up sharing.

I have just entered another 5km run in 2 weeks time, so will need to keep (start!!) the training. Now it is cooling down I hope to go out some lunchtimes while I am at work.

Next step is to get control of my endless eating - let's see how that goes...

Day 224: Soon to be another year older

It is my birthday on Monday, and around this time of year I always seem to think about what I am doing with my life, and in particular my food issues.

I am actually starting to get really concerned about stuff like diabetes and heart disease. My BMI is around 28-29 - much higher and I will be in the obese category!!!!

I want to be healthy for me and for my family.

Day 222: Not so on-to-it today

Old habits again....

Day 221: Blogging again

Did ok today - progress at least....

Day No Idea

So I have been a bit slack with blogging (again) lately. No idea even what day I am up to now....

Just been reading some stuff on the web on binge eating - interesting.... Questions to ask (and my answers) are:
I eat when I am not hungry. YES
I eat until I feel extremely uncomfortable, not just full. YES
I eat a lot—and often. YES
I snack and nibble all day long. YES
I feel out of control and can't stop eating. YES
I eat very fast. YES
I prefer to eat alone. YES
I keep my eating habits a secret from family and friends. YES
I always seem to be dieting—and breaking my diet. KIND OF
My weight goes up and down by more than a few pounds. KIND OF
I feel disgusted, depressed, and guilty after I eat a lot. YES

Pretty telling really....

Also I:
- Hide food wrappers so that people won't know what i have eaten
- Eat normally in front of people, then sneak out and eat afterwards
- Eat treats that have been given to my kids
- Know what food is good for me and my body, and what should be eaten occasionally, but eat junk as often as I can...........

Day 207: Small progress

Felt like I made some small steps of progress today.... While at work I wrote down the time every time I thought about eating (a lot!!!), what my hunger rating was, and then I wrote what I did. Most of the time I did some deep breaths. I did have two snacks (including chocolate), but I felt like it was great progress considering some of the days I have had lately. This evening hasn't been too bad either (although I have eaten through most of the temptation on previous days!)

Good baby steps. Keep it up! :-)

Day 206: Stuffed again

Stuffed myself so full tonight - had eaten a lot then hubby bought a burger and chips home and I ate even more... stressed about work/home situation...

Day 203: Fatty food frenzy

Eating eating eating... all day long....

Day 202

Was annoyed yesterday becuase blogspot wasn't working again so I couldn't blog my stuff. I actually had a reasonably good day yessterday. I rode into work on my bike, and avoided all except one sweet all day (I ended upeating a bag of vege crisps when I found my orange was mouldy!!).

I was tempted lots of times for chocolate. I even went to the snack boxto buy one, then someone came in and I thought I don't really want it,so I didn't get it!!! I even managed to get out for a small run at lunchtime and rode home. Then after dinner I was craving sweet things. I had some crisps again,and a couple of biscuits but I didn't eat the icecream that wascalling to me several times during the evening. So overall I think yesterday could be counted as a babystep to success!

Today wasn't quite so positive. I did ride to and from work, but I didn't take much lunch/fruit with me and ended up at the snack box at 9.30am cos I was hungry.

At lunchtime I had sushi, and then went and bought some chocolate raisins when I was at the fruit shop to buy fruit. I ate all the chocolate raisins and none of the fruit!!!

Anyway. Tomorrow I am aiming for sugar free - I will eat anything else....

Day 200: 200 days on and no closer to change

I feel a bit deflated by the fact that I have been blogging for 200 days, but today was just as much of an eating frenzy as ever. If I were someone else listening to me I would want to slap me and say - "just get on with it! How hard can it be to think before you eat!"

Day 190: Nothing to say

Blah blah blah :-P

Day 189: More of the same

No progress to report. Ciao

Day 187: Like a hamster stuck in a wheel

I feel a bit like a hamster stuck in one of those revolving wheels.....

Day 186: OK for a weekend day

Today was ok for a weekend day. I was trying to avoid highly processed food, and I did an ok job until later this evening (as usual).

Tomorrow's aims are:
- walk or run
- snack-box free

Day 185: OK day

Did ok today. Had lots of cravings in afternoon when kids were asleep, and my usual post dinner time. Decided to go out for a run this evening (running after eating usually gives me stitch), and since it had been so long since I ate it wasn't too bad (stomach-wise - lack of fitness and carrying lots of extra weight is a whole 'nother story!

Day 184: OK day

OK day today. Listened to my hypnosis recording again last night.

Day 183: No lunch not hungry

Had a kightbulb moment today - and didn't eat any lunch because I'd had a large muffin at morning tea, and I just wasn't hungry!!

Hooray!

Day 182: Headache

I have a headache this evening. It stopped me riding home, and now I am munching on Valentine's chocolates to see if it will help.... it isn't.

Day 181: Some progress

Well I feel like I had a little more progress than yesterday's junk fest. I listened to my hypnosis recording last night before I went to sleep and I felt a lot calmer today. I took a good lunch to work, and did ok with eating there.

I am struggling a little this evening again, but am off to do a quick 15 min flylady de clutter, and then will do some painting to distract myself.

Day 180: Junk food frenzy

I had my office to myself for the day, had a sore (OOS related) wrist, was stressed about work, and so I had a junkfood frenzy. I feel yuck...

Must meditate on this tonight.

Day 177: Should I bother?

After blogging for 177 days I feel I am no further on. Is it worth it?

Day 176: Day OK, Evening Away

My evenings just turn to custard! (or should that be chocolate!)

Day 174: Out of the house and exercising with family

It was an inspiring crisp sunny morning this morning, so we headed out to Te Puna Quarry Park for a walk. My 4 yo did well walking most of the way herself, and hubby and I got extra exercise carrying the 13kg 18 month old!!

Did ok for eating today, right up until my usual weak time of the evening... Tomorrow night I am going to work on one of my projects instead of browsing at the computer (although Lost is on tomorrow so that will be an hour of TV time, but maybe I can do something else while I am watching).

Day 173: So much for my goals

I did crap at my goals today - I didn't run in the morning because it was pouring with rain. I ate sugar all day (3 trips to the snack box at work!) and had my usual piggy evening....

How do I snap out of it?

Day 172: Lazy day

We had a lazy day here today as it was yucky and wet - I had lots of mini naps and now I am wide awake at 11.30pm!!!

Goals for tomorrow: feel hunger and choose fruit over sugar

Day 171: Not much fruit today!

Oh dear - looking at my diary I see I had haredly any fruit today....

I need to take some time to think about what I am reading in the rules of normal eating book

Day 169: Babysteps

Small steps of progress today. I gave blood this morning, and had the afternoon off to take my daughter to kindy induction day.

Eating was ok - I thought about hunger and fullness a bit.

Day 168: Oops

Ok, so I didn't get off to a very good start of "blogging every day" - I had a pretty big eating evening yesterday... I felt like I was in a sugar coma!

Today has gone fairly well, at least until while I was cleaning out the pantry I found a bag of lollies and ate the lot!!

When I woke up, I didn't feel up to a run, so I grabbed my yoga mat and did some yoga poses before breakfast - that felt great and I will try to keep doing that.

I did IE at work today - not eating at my desk, eating the lunch I had brought in instead of getting sushi, no lollies. And I thought periodically about my hunger and how full I was. I even had a bit of a rumble going before lunch and dinner!

I guess my positive thought of the day is " the daytime went great!"

Day 166: Reading books, but not yet changing

Well it has been a while since I blogged... I had my trip away for work and it actually went quite well, and I didn't need to be as nervous as I was. I ate well when I was away (apart from getting through a six pack of chocolate hot cross buns! :-P)

Since I have been back I have been stuck in my old problem of evening eating (days have been mostly ok, with a few times when I have headed for the dreaded lunchtime lollies)...

The "Rules of Normal Eating" book that I have been reading is pretty heavy on beliefs and feelings, and I need to work my way through it and spend the time on it. The basic premise of the changes that need to be made are very similar to HUGS - thinking about hunger and satisfaction.... But it also talks about cravings. It also focussed not only on reformed dieters, but also overeaters - and I definitely fit more into the second category, as I have never had much success for long with diets.

I haven't started reading the IE book yet....

My main goals for the next week are to:
- blog every day
- keep in touch with Jenn my accountability partner
- keep reading and starting to apply what I have learned.

On a positive note, it was a stinking hot day so we headed to the beach yesterday. I let my inhibitions go and went in swimming with bearly a thought about what people must think of my thundery white thighs :-). It was a fantastic swim.

Day 152: Books arrived today

Woohoo! My books arrived today - just in the nick of time.

Have been thinking that my eating frenzy has probably been related to some work stress. I have to travel tomorrow for a couple of days and am in a bit of a stressful situation, so it is weighing on my mind.

Day 151: Struggling

I feel like I was doing ok, but have gone back into usual habits. I went to try on clothes yesterday and was basically disgusted with myself and how I look. I can't fit normal size clothes anymore...
Weather has been rubbish this week (maybe affecting my mood) hot and rainy most of the time. Haven't done any exercise apart from a walk yesterday and one length of the pool this morning (need to go swimming without kids).

Hope my IE books come soon.

Day 150: 150 days and where have I gone

I am a little demoralised today. I have been creating this blog for 150 days but I don't feel like I have gone anywhere....

Day 149: Near made 6 days

I was doing so well, and then I let myself down this evening....

Today I was craving sweets - I nearly went to buy some but I bought some cherries and grapes instead for that sweet hit (I ate quite a lot but at least I felt better than eating a bag of lollies!)

Then this evening hubby was busy so I had to deal with the kids etc, and they were crying because he wasn't around and because it was hot and sticky. I dealt with all that and the mess (stuff left from breakfast - yuck!) and then REALLY wanted sugary treats. I tried to have crackers and cheese to stave it off, but in the end I caved in and ate several sweet things. Now I feel yucky....

But I am still going to do the 7 day no sugar thing... as I feel I need to do it.

Day 148: Still sugar free, but tempting me!

I have made another day without sugar....nevermind all the other rubbish I have eaten. It has been interesting because I thought it would get easier over time but it hasn't... maybe I need to give it longer before it becomes natural not to crave it.

Day 147: 4th sugar free day

Oh I SOOO wanted sugar this evening. But I didn't eat it - just loads of non-sugar stuff. I am wondering if it was the nacho chips I had - I noticed afterwards that they had sugar in them.

Day 146: 3 days without sugar

Ok, the title should be 3 days almost without sugar, as it is still a small ingredient in some of the savoury things that I have been eating...

I am actually feeling great about the sugar thing. I had a brief wavering moment after lunch today when I wanted to go and buy lollies, but I didn't and it felt good.

Day 145: Another sugar free day

Well I survived another day sugar free!!

Day 144: Sugar free

A new year! I haven't started the new year with a diet, but I have been thinking about how I can make some progress in eating intuitively.

I finally ordered a couple of books from amazon the other day (they will take a few weeks to get here). I had been putting it off because of the cost, and because I already have the HUGS books, but I finally decided that I need a kick start.

Well, the big news of the day is that I have decided to go without sugar for the week (as of this morning)! (Well, not completely without sugar - as it is in EVERYTHING - unbelievable reading those labels on food). Anyway, so far so good, despite there being chocolate cake on offer this afternoon, and hubby offering me part of a kitkat this morning.... I resisted! :-)

I'm not sure why I decided to do the sugar thing. It seems to be a thing that takes me out of control - like I can't get enough.

Day 124: Stuffed full again

Why do I do this to myself?

Was just reading a bit on the 3 minute therapy site and I have decided to blog on the disadvantages of eating chocolate and lollies:

1. It rots my teeth
2. No matter how much I eat I can't seem to be satisfied
3. It keeps me overweight
4. It makes me feel depressed afterwards
5. It plays havoc on my skin
6. Processed food/sugar/fat is linked to bowel/other cancers, heart disease, and diabetes. I don't want to leave my babies motherless.
7. It gives me mood swings
8. It costs money that could be spent on other things
9. It means that I can't fit the clothes that I want to wear
10. It stops me choosing other healthier food

Day 120: No lollies today

Wow - minor miracle today. Did not eat lollies or chocolate!!!! Amazing.... OK so my diet wasn't exactly a healthy whole food balanced thing, but at least this is progress.

And I rode the 7km each way to and from work today.... it isn't going to be much fun as it gets hotter!!! But quite nice to ride home past the beach. Better than being stuck in Auckland traffic (or Tauranga traffic for that matter!!)

Day 119: Cancer!

Sorry - don't mean to scare you with that title, but the topic of bowel cancer came up at work today, within the context of "low fibre processed foods = higher risk". That scared me - although I eat ok in terms of some fruit and veges etc, I do eat a lot of rubbish processed foods!!!

Day 118: Sugar sugar sugar

Can't get enough of that sugar hit!!

Day 117: sun shiny day

The sun was shining today which always helps my mood. Just realised it has been 4 days since I did any real exercise and I miss it! Must go for a run in the morning (although I have to bike to work too).

Didn't do a great job of eating today - too lazy.

step by step

Day 117: Don't know what to say

.....

Day 116: More thinking

After posting last night, I ended up eating quite a bit of junk.... don't know why.

I am still in the right head space today - still a bit unwell so was at home again, and did some more reading of Fear of food book.

My evenings are obviously the worst times for that automatic eating. I don't know whether to tackle them first, or work on other times first and tackle the hard bit last....???

Day 115: Feel refreshed

I was feeling a bit sick today, so I ended up taking the day off, and doing a bit of sleeping, reading and contemplating.

I've picked up a book that I read years ago when I was in the UK, called "Fear of Food" it is a non-diet book and has some good stuff in it.

Some quotes that rang a bell with me:
"Compulsive eating and weight difficulties are linked with a diversityof emotional and psychological states as well as geneticpredisposition, learned behaviours about food and eating and theactual physical aspects of metabolism and the type of food eaten. Evenself knowledge is not the answer. You have been collecting everythingyou need to know for years, but knowing "why" doesn't change anythingeither. You need to take that self understanding and create anemotional/physical change. You need to integrate the mind and thebody. This is a whole body process. You need to work with your body asa friend and not as some problem that keeps hanging around."

"You can alter your eating behaviour in a variety of ways, but if younever address the reason that it got out of balance to begin with, youare doomed to fall back into the trap. You need to look at your wholelife, not just your eating or your body. Instead of asking yourself'How do I stop being out of control with food?', ask yourself, 'Whatis it that I want from food?' We treat our bodies like problems, as if they were an enemy followingus around. We actas if we are not part of our bodies and often livefrom the neck up. We imagine that everything can be accomplishedthrough the mind. We avoid looking at our bodies or feeling them to bepart of us in any positive way."

"I know many overweight and eating-disordered people who only consult a mirror to put on their makeup or style their hair. They think thatif they ignore their body, somehow they don't have to worry about it.They think that ignoring it will lesson their emotional turmoil. In this way, we are constantly fighting against ourselves. How can youexpect your body to co-operate if you hate it"

"But our real problem is with low self esteem and dissociation"

"you need to accept your body as part of yourself and see that it istrying to tell you something by being overweight"

"Most overeating is done unconsciously. We don't pay attention to whatwe are doing because it's just too painful. We are people who already have low self-esteem and extremely high expectations. Watching ourselves eat compulsively only adds to the disgust that we feel. Butwe need to wake up to what we are doing. We cannot continue to gothrough life asleep. We must make eating a choice and not a coincidence."

I am working through the book and will post again with some other gems.

Day 114: Been away a while

Well - I'm back posting after a long break. I'm not yet back on the intuitive eating wagon, but I am mentally prepared to write my food diary and thoughts now after having some time out.

I have been an eating machine lately. Luckily the exercise is still going, but I am still eating far too much.

Goals for tomorrow: feel hunger once and listen to hypnosis tapes!

Day 97: So tired......

We have moved house now, and the last few days have been exhausting. I haven't slept well, and it has been a very physical few days of moving, packing, and unpacking.

My eating has been all out of wack - I have been eating to try to stay awake... making bad choices.

Now that the move is done hopefully I can focus on my needs.

Day 92: Positive negatives

OK, today had some IE ups and downs. Late morning I was thinking about heading to the snack box (I was stressed with work), but I thought - no I don't need to eat I have an apple I can have instead. I went to eat the apple, but I realised that I wasn't actually HUNGRY - so I didn't need to eat anything.

Then about half an hour later (I still wasn't really hungry) I saw the apple and started munching - for no reason!

At lunchtime I had my yummy leftovers, and I was full, but I did my silly-and-getting-more-regular trip to the shop to get lollies, which I proceeded to scoff within half an hour. I need to stop doing this.

Maybe I could try ABCDEF:

Activating event: Scoffing lollies at lunchtime
Belief: I am stressed, sweets and chocolate makes me feel better when I am stressed. I can always start again tomorrow with eating when I am hungry.
Consequence: I don't eat intuitively, I feel bad about eating lollies, AS WELL AS STILL FEELING STRESSED! Tomorrow never comes. I have to start today.
Dispute: Eating sweets does not help the stress, it actually makes things worse, as I always feel guilty afterwards. It doesn't help me to lose weight, it is bad for my teeth, and it could lead me to diabetes!
Effective new beliefs: I can handle stress. Everyone gets stress, and it won't kill me. The things I stress about are pretty small in the scheme of things. I am an intelligent woman, I understand that stuffing my face with lollies doesn't make the stress go away. Stress is OK. It shows me that I am alive and living! Think - what is the worst that can happen and realise that it is unlikely!
Feelings: I can handle stress, and I will look for alternatives to feeding my emotional hunger, including:
- a brisk walk
- reading a magazine in a shop
- window shopping
- writing a letter
- deep breathing
- gum (if I have mouth hunger)

Day 91: Running in the rain

I went for a run in the rain this morning, and it was actually quite fun. I hadn't gone on Monday because my little boy wasn't well, so I felt I really should get out there despite the weather.

Didn't eat too intuitively today. Meals were ok, but as usual snacks were excessive and not what I was needing.

Day 90: Hospital pass

I have been given a hospital pass job at work, not fun, and it has caused me a bit of stress. I need to keep telling myself that trying to subdue the stress with chocolate or sweets is not going to help. I might feel better for about 5 seconds but then I will feel worse.

Didn't get to go for my run yesterday, because my little boy was a bit sick. Hopefully will get to go in the morning.

Goal for tomorrow: eat consciously- tolerate stress

Day 88: Yesterday and Today

I didn't post yesterday, as I had an all out eating frenzy...

Today has been a little better (my stomach isn't stuffed full, although I haven't really eaten intuitively today.

I have to apologise to Jenn my accountability partner, as I haven't been very accountable lately!

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, and I'm not going to continue this weekend's binge any more because of that.

My aim for tomorrow is to feel hunger twice!

Day 86

Fallen off the wagon... feel lousy.

Time for bed.

Day 84: Rollercoaster ride

After doing so well yesterday, today felt like a bit of a "down". I didn't eat intuitively, and I snacked a lot.

Day 83: Resisting temptation

I had some great positives today! I went for a run this morning, and although my legs still felt like lead for the first 5 mins or so, I lasted ok.

I had a full-on day atwork, working on another project, and we also went out to lunch because one of the girls is getting married. I had yummy lunch, and ate more than I should have because it was soooo yummmy.

I felt like a chocolate bar in the afternoon, but I had some sugarfree gum instead.

This evening I stopped part way through my dinner because I had eaten enough (yay!), and although I knew there were chocolate biscuits in the fridge I had a hot chocolate instead which filled me up and gave me that chocolate fix. Hubby even directly offered me the chocolate biscuits later and I turned them down!!!

Day 82: Meals OK, Snacks Astray

The title says it all - my meals have been right on target, but my snacking is a constant source of excessiveness!

Today, while on my lunchtime walk, I stopped in at the store to get some gum, but I saw a mars bar pack, and bought that as well! I thought I don't have to eat it... but by the time I got back to work it was gone.

Then this evening I was rummaging around looking for something sweet (the copious amounts of fruit didn't tempt me). If we'd had milk I would have made a hot chocolate, but we were low, so instead I kept on rummaging....

At least I have started packing now!!! :-)

Day 81: The reasons I don't bake

Felt ok about my progress today, although looking back over my food diary it doesn't look so great. I felt like I ate consciously today, up until I baked in the evening, and ate 3 cookies while sitting in front of a movie....

Went for another run this morning and it was still hard work, although not quite as bad as yesterday.

Seems like blogger is doing some funny things with my posts - I could see day 80 just before, and now it is gone.. .that's not good.. .might need to look at an alternative.

Day 77: Excuses excuses

Really busy at work and stressful at the moment, but I have got to THINK, and not go into my habit-of-a-lifetime and turn to food when stressed. Right now my tummy feels full and I feel yuck, as I haven't treated it well today.

Achy shoulder still, got to keep off this keyboard for a while...